Episode 11: Fin, Finally
After a season of The Bachelor that felt much, much longer than it actually was, Matt James’s journey to find love finally came to an end Monday.
It didn’t go as planned, and it wasn’t fun to watch.
In what was supposed to be an historic season – Matt James is the first Black male lead in the franchise’s nearly 20 year history – I feel comfortable saying it was, indeed, historic: we have a record of just how much this show doesn’t know how to treat its contestants of color well.
Or maybe it just doesn’t want to.
Somebody owes Matt something - an apology, maybe, or another opportunity. He looked so sad at the end of all of this, especially at the end of the After The Final Rose special.
It didn’t have to be this way.
Anyway, let’s begin. The trailer, voiced by somebody who I used to know whose name I think rhymes with Miss Marrison, promises lots of tears, and the trailer for the After The Final Rose special promises twists! And also more tears.
It’s snowing in Pennsylvania, and Matt, who cares about both Michelle and Rachael very much, seeks counsel from his mom, Patty, and brother, John. He preps them for Michelle, who is everything he’s been looking for (the “on paper” is strongly implied).
Michelle Meets Matt’s Family: Michelle arrives with flowers, hugs, and a mission: to convince Matt’s family that she’s in love with Matt. John takes her for a chat, and he has questions: what qualities does she like in Matt? When was her last relationship? John tells Matt that based on his brother’s body language with Michelle, he’s “legitimately happy.” He thinks Matt might have found his match … “as long as my mom likes Michelle.”
Patty sits down with Michelle. Patty looks like she’s already spent a few hours crying today. She asks Michelle what it was like when Matt met her family, and she says she told them she felt he was the one. Patty says it sounds like Michelle has a “cohesive” family, and cries as she says she wishes she could have given that to Matt.
Michelle says she doesn’t see Matt’s family background as a weakness or disadvantage. She appreciates him. She tells Patty she’s in love with her son, and Patty, echoing Matt’s habit of thanking women after they tell him their feelings for him, says she’s honored that he told her that. Patty tells Michelle that she can’t control who Matt loves, but she can tell that Michelle is a “sweetheart.”
Patty tells the same thing to Matt – that Michelle is very “sweet” – and I don’t think this bodes well for Michelle, because The Bachelor traffics only in tropes, and tropes tell us that “sweet” is nice, but “spark” is better, so we’ll see how it goes with Rachael.
After the date, Matt essentially tells Michelle that he felt really good about her meeting his family. Matt interviews that Michelle “continues to set the bar high,” which is not a particularly romantic thing to say about someone, and he can’t believe that she’s there, and wonders how she’s still single, and, again, the “on paper” is strongly, strongly implied.
Michelle is whisked away in a black SUV, but before she goes, she and Matt have a mild snowball fight, and then they kiss.
Rachael Meets Matt’s Family: Matt interviews that he’s “excited” about Rachael, and, I mean, this is done, right? Michelle is sweet, Rachael is exciting, and on this show, exciting beats sweet every single time.
Rachael interviews that meeting Matt’s family is the last step before they get engaged, which sounds extremely confident for someone who is still ostensibly “competing” with another woman, and she’s nervous to meet Matt’s family.
Rachael also arrives with flowers and hugs. They get right down to it, with Rachael making the hard pitch: she’s in love with Matt, this has been a challenging experience for her, but she’s trusted Matt throughout the process.
John, again, asks Rachael a series of interview questions: How many serious relationships have you had? (One in high school, one toward the end of college.) Have you ever experienced true love before? (I’ve loved people and I’ve cared for people, but I don’t think I’ve been truly in love with someone, and Matt’s the other half of what she needed.) What qualities does Matt have that you think makes him husband material? (He’s goofy, but I also feel safe with him, I get butterflies when I’m with him.)
Patty tells Matt she thinks Rachael is cute. Matt says the way she carries herself is “foreshadowing” of how she’ll handle challenging situations in the future. Interesting choice of words there, Matt – foreshadowing, indeed.
Rachael tells Patty that love gives meaning to her life, and she feels blessed to have this opportunity. She’s known since the first night that she was going to fall in love with Matt, because she’s a religious person and when Matt gave that prayer the first night, she felt it was God’s way of putting them together. Patty is, of course, moved to tears.
Rachael and Matt stand in the snowy Pennsylvania woods and make out, before she, too, is whisked away in a black SUV.
Matt And His Family Decide His Future: Matt feels ready for an engagement, and he’s glad his family is there to help him decide. Patty had fun meeting Matt’s “prospects.” Matt says he’ll be praying a lot over the next few days. Okay.
Matt can see things he loves about both women, but Patty wants to know if that means Matt wants to get engaged, or just explore a possible relationship with one of them.
“People fall in and out of love, and love is not the end all be all,” Patty says. Matt’s face says this he might not have actually considered this. John encourages Matt not to jump into a decision he isn’t ready for, and now Matt’s all in his head, because his dad “wasn’t ready,” and he doesn’t want to repeat his father’s mistake.
Matt didn’t get the reassurance he wanted from the conversation with his mom and brother. Instead, he got doubt.
Matt goes for a walk, contemplatively. Matt sits on his kitchen island (?), with the bottoms of his shoes on the seat (!), contemplatively. Matt walks around his apartment (?), contemplatively. He needs to talk to someone who knows more about what the f**k is going on here than he does.
There’s a knock at the door, and I don’t totally recognize who it is, but I think it’s someone whose name rhymes with Riss Rarrison.
Matt tells Liss Larrison that he is having doubts after talking to his family. In what could be some excellent foreshadowing, Matt says it’s silly to think you might not have a change of heart after learning new information. (Indeed, Matt. Indeed.) Biss Barrison recaps what Matt’s mom said in a pretty condescending way – “Love ends? What kind of greeting card is that?” he basically snorted – which, honestly, yeah, that tracks, based on what we know already know about the way Xiss Xarrison talks about things he doesn’t quite understand/agree with.
Matt is most scared of not making the right decision. To him, making the right decision means taking his time. He’s not sure he wants to get engaged, even though it would be easier for him to go along with it. Bummer for the ladies, both of whom seem to be expecting him to propose!
Wait. Is the Longtime Host of The Bachelor Whose Name I Refuse To Say Until He Sorts His Shit Out actually doing the voice over for the After The Final Rose special? It sure does sound like his voice saying “Later tonight, Emmanual Acho dives into the shocking conclusion to Matt’s journey.” Seriously, show? This is what we’re doing?
Sigh. Okay. Back to the show.
Following artistic shots of a rose covered in snow and ice, and of a woodpecker, Matt sits on a picnic table – again, feet on the seat – contemplatively.
Matt and Michelle’s Final Date: Matt “surprises” Michelle with the “fun activity” of rappelling down the side of a building, because near-death experiences apparently amount to love here at the Nemacolin. (We all recall how Matt has said that watching Rachael almost die when she crashed into the ground after skydiving made him realize that he loves her, or something.) We get the usual voice-over tropey metaphors of how this is a risk, just like falling in love; Michelle was scared at first, but she shows courage, which is just like love; they’re coaching each other and kissing their way down the building, which is, I guess, just like love.
They arrive at a … couch? In the middle of a heart drawn in the middle of the road? I guess? I don’t know what’s going on here. I do know that Matt and Michelle passing their interlocked hands together over a fire that is at least healthy, if not roaring, is pretty dangerous. As they talk, we also get voiceovers from Matt that it’s all “sinking in” and he feels bad because Michelle is “pouring her heart out” and … is he about to break up with Michelle?
As Matt approaches Michelle’s room, we hear Michelle interviewing that, basically, she’s excited, because she’s all in for Matt James, and it sounds like she’s expecting a proposal. She starts talking to Matt about her feelings for him, and this sounds like the kind of speech someone gives before the final rose, before they are either rejected or proposed to.
Michelle has a gift for Matt: she makes a strained metaphor about how they’re a team, and she gives him a basketball jersey with their “team name” – the “World Changing Warriors” – and she made one for herself. His says “Mr. James,” hers says “Mrs. James,” and Matt decides that it’s too much for him, because he has doubts about their relationship.
“This is the first time I’ve felt anything outside of wanting to be with you forever,” he tells Michelle, and it’s “scary” for him to have any doubt at this point.
Basically, Matt breaks up with Michelle, although he’s not straightforward about it. Michelle asks for clarity – should she fight for him? Should she not? Matt says he doesn’t think he can “get there” with her, which is Bachelor-speak for “I’m choosing someone else.”
They hug, Matt apologizes, Matt leaves, Michelle seems devastated.
There are still 45 minutes left in this show. To fill with what, exactly? Also, I can’t remember the last time we had an actual, traditional, final two, where the Bachelor or Bachelorette actually makes a decision on what’s supposed to be decision day.
Matt is, again, filled with doubt over his decision to end things with Michelle. This doubt is justified.
The disembodied head of someone whose name I think rhymes with Fiss Farrison seems to literally apparate out of the darkness, and after a very awkward handshake, asks Matt how he’s doing. “Not good, asshole,” Matt replies. (Okay, he doesn’t say “asshole.” That was me.)
Matt tropes that he loves Michelle, but he’s not in love with her, and having grown up being told by movies and shows and books and pop culture generally that there’s this whole difference between loving someone and being in love with them, implying that they are sometimes mutually exclusive, is such a damaging and dangerous message to send. It also implies that you can be in love with someone without loving them, and also it’s just total bullshit. You just didn’t want to be with her, man. Sometimes that’s just how it goes.
Seriously, is the Former Host still doing the voiceover for the promos for the After the Final Rose? Really?
Matt and Rachael’s Final Date: Rachael feels confident, and drags out the “he’s my person” trope.
But then. Diss Darrison shows up at Rachael’s room to tell her that Matt needs more time, there won’t be a date today. “We will let you know, as soon as possible, what’s next,” he says, and then scurries away.
She is given no reason why Matt doesn’t want to see her. She’s hurt. It’s messing with her head. And I’m no Rachael fan, not at all, but yeah, I think it kind of sucks that Matt did this.
Or maybe it’s the producers, who really have messed with all the women throughout this entire season. One more twist of the knife, maybe?
We get trope after trope from Matt: is love enough to sustain a relationship? What does it mean to be a man? What does it take to be a husband?
Who holds the answers? Neil Lane, apparently. Matt thinks he may need to hold an engagement ring in his hand in order to gain clarity, or something.
This poor guy, he has no one else to turn to but Neil Lane. For fuck’s sake, do producers not have the power to put Matt in touch with his bff Tyler? Or, literally anyone who knows him as an adult outside of his family?
For his part, Neil Lane appears to be trying to give Matt some sincere, good advice. So that’s nice.
Matt, who has apparently never seen a ring before, asks if he is allowed to touch the rings. “It’s not going to break,” Neil Lane says. Ha, I guess?
Matt decides to hold on to a ring, the one with the pear-shaped diamond, which Neil Lane says is his favorite, and I’m starting to think that maybe poor Matt is just highly suggestible? I blame the producers and their endless manipulation and fuckery.
“The ring represents what my father couldn’t give to my mother,” Matt says. “It represents broken promises.”
Damn, Matt.
Matt doesn’t know if he’s going to offer the ring to Rachael.
The next morning, Rachael wakes up confused and upset. There’s a knock at the door, and an envelope has been slid under the door. It’s a note from Matt, apologizing, saying he’s had a lot on his mind, and asking her to meet him at the lake.
The Lake: Matt arrives at a completely unmarked, undeveloped patch of ground under some trees at the edge of the lake. We are then treated to a completely jarring, somewhat scary low-angle shot of a man’s legs walking toward Matt. From behind, it’s obvious that it’s that guy whose name sounds like Niss Narrison. Matt tells him he’s not sure what he’s going to do, but he loves Rachael, and the more he says it, the more he’s sure of it. He thinks he’ll know how this “conversation” with Rachael will end once he sees her.
Biss Barrison tells Matt that this is the most important “conversation” of his life (exaggeration?) and encourages him to say a prayer and, well, basically, good luck, man!
Matt arrives at the Final Rose spot for, I guess, the Final Rose “conversation.” Rachael, who looks like she hasn’t slept, also arrives, in a dress that, thankfully, is appropriate for the time (and not from, say, an era that represents the absolute worst of America’s history), although not at all appropriate for the weather, because it’s sleeveless and backless and literally three days before the entire place was blanketed in snow.
I mean, we can see her breath as she exhales. Can we not get this woman a jacket?
Rachael, still nervous, starts talking first. Yesterday, when she was told Matt didn’t want to see her, “changed everything.” She hated the thought of Matt hurting, and being confused, and not wanting to see her. (Again, foreshadowing?)
“When you’re hurting, I’m hurting,” she says. She tells him she’s not going to run when it gets tough, and Matt looks like he’s about to cry. She tells him she loves him, and she’ll choose him every day.
Matt tells Rachael that everything he came to the Bachelor looking for, he found with her. He repeats what he told Michelle, that the “easy thing” would be to ignore his own feelings and give Rachael what she wants, which is quite a thing to tell someone, which, Matt? Stop blaming the women in your life for you not wanting to propose to them.
He tells Rachael he can’t propose today, but he doesn’t want to lose her. He wants to commit to her, to continue building, to continue what they started. He loves her, he sees her as his wife, as the mother of his kids, they laugh, and giggle, and smile, and exchange nice words. Rachael, will you accept this rose? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, etc. etc.
After an interview where Matt is, again, standing awkwardly behind Rachael, because that’s a thing he likes to do with women, they ride off in a horse-drawn carriage, where Rachael gets to put a blanket over her lap. Finally.
After The Final Rose: Hosted by Emmanuel Acho, former football player, current sports analyst, and author of Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man.
Having watched the special, I don’t think I can recap this in a way that does these conversations justice. I’m a white woman. I’m not equipped with the language to break these conversations down in the way I think they deserve. I think these people do it better:
Read Ali Barthwell’s Bachelor recaps for Vulture. They are the best recaps out there.
Follow the Bachelor Diversity Campaign on Twitter.
Listen to Rachel Lindsay’s podcasts, Bachelor Happy Hour and Higher Learning.
I will say this: I think Emmanuel Acho was great. I want to see him play a bigger role in this franchise, which really needs to have its own reckoning with the way it has treated people of color.
Update: After seeing many responses to Emmanuel Acho, I’m reserving my praise and deferring to people who know a lot more about talking about race than I do. I’ve noticed that a lot of the people who think he was great are white women, like me, and those who are more critical, are not white women. I should have been more skeptical of my own comfort in watching these conversations during this special.
Coming up, on The Bachelorette(s): We get two Bachelorettes! Katie, and then Michelle! Let’s have Emmanuel Acho host their seasons!
