Episode 10: Whose Fantasy Is This?

Is this the finale? I hope it’s the finale. I really want this endless, decidedly not-fun, actually-quite-harmful season of The Bachelor to be over.

Sigh. It’s not the finale.

(Note: I didn’t recap the prior episode, which was the Women Tell All, because it’s basically a recap of the season, and I didn’t think doing a recap of a recap would be particularly interesting.)

We start with Michelle, who interviews that her Hometown date was great, she feels connected to Matt, everything feels right, and she’s ready to spend the rest of her life with him.

Bri is surprised how quickly this all has happened, and I wish she had just taken more time to reconsider leaving her job.

Rachael is very sure that she’s supposed to be with Matt, which feels like there might be a lot to unpack, there.

As the three women are having a totally normal conversation about how excited they are to potentially to get engaged to the same man, a man whose name I think rhymes with Miss Marrison comes in and leaves the first fantasy date card. It’s for Michelle.

Meanwhile, Matt interviews that he’s “very excited” for these dates, although he doesn’t sound excited at all, but I’m thinking that’s because he’s about to have a conversation with his dad, who we all know has been absent from Matt’s life, because Matt has told us.

Matt says he needs to have this conversation with his dad before he can move forward with any of his relationships, because he’s afraid of commitment based on what he saw of his dad’s relationship with his mom. I say this sounds like emotional manipulation on the part of the producers, which totally tracks for this season. At least they greet each other warmly.

Matt looks terrified. His dad reassures Matt that he’ll be great at commitment, and I can already tell this is not a conversation I should be watching. This is not a conversation the country should be watching.

Matt tells his dad that he wasn’t there when he needed him. He started other families, and that affected him. Dad says they could have had this conversation at any time, “before tonight,” and Matt says there wasn’t an opportunity.

And then, dad says he didn’t have his dad around for him either to have those types of conversations, because his own dad was killed when he was five years old.

Oof.

Dad tells Matt that he came home one day to find Matt’s mom gone. Matt says mom left for good reason, because dad cheated on her, and dad says that nobody’s perfect. (Sounds a lot like an “apology” we got from a certain (former?) host of this show, although said (former?) host had a much lower bar to clear, which he did not, which is to not defend racism.)

Dad says he wants to be there to celebrate his son. Matt says if he wanted to celebrate, they’d go to Chuck E. Cheese, but this is an emotional journey for him, and this conversation is a part of that.

And then, in an interview, Matt says his memories of his dad were when he would stop by to drop of shoes, or take him out for pizza, and he’s crying. “I didn’t need shoes, man,” Matt says. “I didn’t need any shoes. I didn’t need any pizza. I needed a dad.”

Matt doesn’t really let his dad (who grew up in Africa, it sounds like? We aren’t told which country) off the hook, and promises Matt he’ll try. “I’m sorry I hurt you son,” he says. “Whatever I can do to make it better, I’ll work on it, because I want you to be happy for the rest of your life. I want you to have a relationship that’s healthy, and not what I went through.”

Matt’s dad says he doesn’t like that they’re so far apart from each other, and Matt says he wants his dad to be part of his life. He tells his dad he forgives him, he’s not holding grudges, he wants them to move forward, and then they hug, and share a joke about how Matt can beat him in soccer (dad disagrees).

They both say “I love you” and I’m glad we get to hear and see them say that, because thanks to the ongoing epidemic of performative masculinity, we don’t get to see that between grown men enough on TV, saying I love you to each other.

Fantasy Date with Michelle: They greet each other under an umbrella and make out in the rain. The first part of the date is a “traditional Pennsylvania Dutch spa day,” and they don’t know what that means and neither do I. Michelle doesn’t care, she just wants to spend time with him.

Turns out a “traditional Pennsylvania Dutch spa day” involves soaking one’s feet in what looks like oatmeal, tapping each other with some kind of leaves, rubbing each other in butter, and hanging out in a stock tank pool full of … milk? Was this actually a deconstructed baking date?

Husband: They have milk, butter, oatmeal … all they need now is a Dutch oven!

After the “spa” (I remain unconvinced) part of the date, Michelle and Matt talk about meeting Michelle’s parents. Matt says he was more comfortable meeting her parents than anyone else he met last week, which sets off all kinds of alarm bells in my head, because I think Matt’s maybe over-promising here?

Michelle says she learned from her parents how to stay in love, keep the spark, etc., and Matt says he’s never really thought about that, but that sounds good to him. In an interview he basically says that Michelle is perfect for him, which I think is an understatement. Michelle’s great.

During the commercial break, we learn that The Bachelor is apparently still casting for “Bachelor: Golden Years Edition” but only for men. I guess they’ve cast the women already?

Michelle and Matt’s date continues into the evening. They sit down at a table that appears to be set for eating, although we don’t see any actual food or actual eating. We do see Matt and Michelle talk only about their relationship and each other, and not about, like, current events, or their jobs, or where they would live, or anything practical like that. Michelle wants to know why Matt is who he is, and Matt asks how much time she has. “The rest of your life,” Michelle says, not missing a beat. Matt tells Michelle about his conversation with his dad, and how he wants to be the man his dad wasn’t. Michelle thanks Matt for sharing all of that with her, and says that even though they have different experiences with parental relationships, Matt still has a lot to offer, based on his own experience.  

Michelle tells Matt that she is sure he’s her person, and he can’t kiss her fast enough. Michelle reads the fantasy date card, and off they go. Michelle tells Matt that she loves him, and he looks so happy and kisses her so quickly that if I’m Michelle in this situation, I am completely convinced that Matt is going to propose to me at the end of this.

And then, because this show literally cannot allow its audience to witness a Black woman being happy for more than, like, 17 seconds, we hear Rachael talking about how hard this is for her. It’s literally Rachael’s voice we hear as Matt and Michelle kiss, as though we’re supposed to have sympathy for Rachael when this is the premise of the show she auditioned for.

Sigh. This show’s never going to change, is it.

The next morning, Michelle and Matt are cuddling on the bed in front of a fire. Michelle asks Matt on a scale of 1-10, how happy is he, and he answers 11. Totally rude to say to someone you’re not going to actually choose at the end of this (I don’t actually know that, I just have that feeling based on what I’ve read and what I’ve seen from so many other seasons of this show). She tells him she’s happy where they are, and happy where they’re headed, and Matt says “me too,” and then he actually calls down to her from his balcony window and blows her a kiss.

Interstitial: Michelle arrives back at the lodge to Rachael telling Bri that she was sick to her stomach, and Bri trying to be sympathetic but she’s also all in her head about it, and Rachael tries to go full Daenerys with her smile but can’t keep it together as Michelle tells them about the “spa” date. And then Michelle, who really just seems to have all her shit together, tells Rachael and Bri that they are going to enjoy their time with Matt, but then acknowledges that they are both struggling. No one seems to know what to say to each other.

Me: Why do the producers do this to these women?

Also me: We know why.

Fantasy Date with Bri: Matt shows up with backpacks and sleeping bags and tells Bri they’re going for a hike.

Are they going to make Bri’s date a camping date? Does she not get an actual Fantasy Suite?

Yeah, that would totally track for this season.

As they pitch an actual tent, Bri says she’s not a particularly outdoorsy person, and is this an episode of, like, Beautiful Sexy City Slickers Go Camping? Is it going to turn into a horror movie? What is happening here.

Alas! While Matt has been pretending, he hasn’t actually been camping before, and has no idea how to pitch a tent, and guess what, they’re not actually going camping.

They are, however, sitting next to a fire (who made that fire?), and Bri confesses that it was harder than she expected it would be to hear about Michelle’s date. Matt reassures Bri that he loved meeting her mom, and he’s excited for this date.

Bri sounds like she’s feeling the pressure to convince Matt to choose her.

Bri and Matt once again sit at a table presumably set for eating (spoiler: we do not see them eat or drink, although there might have been a shot of actual food there at the end), and I again notice something that’s been bugging me all season: Matt does this thing where he walks behind women, kind of like a walking version of spooning them? I think he did it when he said goodbye to Sarah, and I’m sure he did it when Kit took herself out of the game, and he was doing it just now, before sitting down to the table. It’s weird! To me this is way weirder than kissing with his eyes open.

Bri wants to know how Matt’s feeling and where he is, like, emotionally, and Matt tells her about the conversation with his dad as evidence that he’s ready for commitment. Bri reminds Matt that she also has a strained relationship with her dad, and she wants to achieve some level of peace with that. She also tells Matt that she feels ready to be engaged to Matt, and she is in love with him, and she loves him, and Matt doesn’t say anything but smiles and kisses her, and if I’m Bri in this situation, I am completely convinced that Matt is going to propose to me at the end of this.

Fantasy Suite Card, “should you choose to forgo your individual rooms,” etc. etc. Off they go! At least this time we don’t have to deal with Rachael’s “poor me” voiceover as they make out.

The next day, they make breakfast, and before they say goodbye, we see a whole lot of Bri saying she’s looking forward to their future, telling Matt she’ll miss him, etc., and we don’t see him respond, which hasn’t been a great sign for the women on this show.

Notably, although Matt watches from his balcony as Bri walks away, he does not call out to her and blow her a kiss, as he did with Michelle.

Interstitial: Back at the lodge, Rachael is complaining again – this time to Michelle – about how hard this is for her. She doesn’t want to see Bri, but there Bri is, and she tells Rachael and Michelle about their date. Rachael says she’s going to get ready for her date, and I have to believe that adding to everyone’s anxiety is the fact that these dates really do appear to be back-to-back. Like, Bri literally, just got home from what we can assume was a very sexy date with Matt, and now Rachael is literally about to go see Matt for her date with him? That seems like a lot.

Not that I feel sorry for Rachael. She had to know what she was getting into.

Fantasy Date with Rachael: Matt’s very excited for his date with Rachael, and hopes that she’s just as “fired up” as he is. For her part, Rachael is scared that his relationships with the other women are stronger than what they have, and when they meet up, Matt seems way more excited to see her.

As they walk, Rachael does this thing where she holds Matt’s hand with both her hands behind her back, which strikes me as just as weird as Matt’s weird walk-behind thing he does, so maybe these two are perfect for each other?

Their date is … a ceramics class? It’s very awkward, and Rachael tells Matt that she just wants to talk to him before they continue. She tells him that the week has been really hard for her, knowing he’s been intimate with other people, and she wants to know where she stands with him. Matt gives a pretty respectful, diplomatic answer about being as fair as he can to everyone, and his reassurance to her is that … when he’s with her, she’s all he thinks about? I’m pretty sure that’s just being present in the moment, Matt.

Matt also recalls their skydiving date and says he was scared when she crashed to the ground, he didn’t want to imagine life without her. She tells Matt that she’s in love with him, and he kisses her, and then they go back to the clay-making studio and make out with each other, covered in clay, just like in the movie Ghost. Finally!

For the evening part of the date, they don’t even pretend to go to a pretend dinner, and they just sit down on a couch, with some wine and a charcuterie plate set out for, I guess, decoration? Rachael’s wearing one of the dresses from her Pretty Woman date, which Matt notices.

Matt tells Rachael about his conversation with his dad, and Rachael says it sounds like Matt’s learned a lot from his experience, and even though Matt would have wanted things to be different, he is who he is because of that experience. Deep!

She also tells him that if he had a ring in his pocket then and there, she’d say yes, and he kisses her so quickly that if I’m Rachael in this situation, I am completely convinced that Matt is going to propose to me at the end of this.

They forgo their individual rooms and head to the fantasy suite, and make out and fall on the bed as fireworks go off outside their window.

Interestingly, we are not treated to a voiceover of Michelle’s or Bri’s thoughts on Rachael and Matt.

We do not see Rachael and Matt the next morning, which strikes me as odd.

Rose Ceremony: As the women arrive, someone whose name I think rhymes with Diss Darrison greets each of them so they can tell them how they feel. I feel nervous, Liss Larrison! And also maybe a little excited! I’m trying to project confidence, even though this is a totally not-normal situation! Why do you ask? Oh, and Ziss Zarrison refers to Rachael as “Rach” and I wonder if that reflects a close relationship that may, I don’t know, cause Biss Barrison to blindly defend her past racist acts and get him in trouble down the line.

Michelle and Bri hold hands briefly as Bri arrives, which is sweet.

Matt tells the women that he’s following his heart, and this is the hardest decision he’s had to make.

Roses go to Michelle and Rachael. Matt walks Bri out, and apologizes. Bri says she can’t really be mad, but it’s hard.

Bri looks absolutely beautiful and very sad. Can someone call her mom? I hope she can get her job back! Alternatively: Bri for Bachelorette!

Next week, Michelle and Rachael meet Matt’s mom, and based on what we know of her, I wonder who she’ll like more? (I don’t wonder.) And then, this long and arduous journey finally – finally! – comes to an end.

I hope. Oh, how I hope.

Tag scene: Bri and Matt making s’mores over their campfire. Not only has Matt never been camping, but has he ever made s’mores? Because his idea to wrap it all up in foil and hold it over the fire was, it turns out, not great.