Episode 13: This Is The End (of This Season)

Chris Harrison, ominously: Will she be engaged to her soulmate, or will she walk away from love … forever?

Me: Again, Chris Harrison, I don’t think the stakes are quite that high.

Anyway. Finale. Here we go.

We pick up where we left off, with Tayshia talking to a producer and Ben sitting on the couch, having just emerged from post-elimination quarantine (I assume) to tell Tayshia that he’s in love with her.

She tells the producer she sent him home for a reason, and I really want her to listen to that instinct. Ben interviews that he can tell by looking in her eyes they have something there which is basically a very Ben thing to say. I don’t think he’s particularly self-aware.

Tayshia walks back into the room. She wants to know why he didn’t tell her earlier – why he basically told everyone except her – that he was in love with her. He says he was scared. She tells him she has missed him, and says he can come to the Rose Ceremony, but she needs time to think.

Tayshia tells Ben she wishes he would have told her sooner.

She walks him out and then they kiss goodbye. And I mean really, really kiss. Ben is so happy about this that he blacked out. That’s literally what he said.

He is extremely confident he’s going to get a rose. At this point, I don’t share his confidence, but it turns out that maybe things weren’t so rosy with Tayshia and the two other guys as we were led to believe.

Chris Harrison is acting as Rose Ceremony Bouncer again, and Ivan arrives first. He tells Chris Harrison he’s excited to meet Tayshia’s family. He’s ready to be engaged. He feels good about their relationship.

Zac is next. It’s all pretty much the same, except we’re reminded that Tayshia told Zac that she loves him.

And then Ben, like, waltzes in, huge grin on his face, and basically throws Tayshia under the bus, like so:

Ben: “I wanted to just let you guys know that she invited me to the Rose Ceremony tonight, so I’m here, you know, just to be with you all and see what happens.”

No, Ben. No. You CAME BACK and forced your feelings on her. She didn’t just spontaneously invite you.

Tayshia arrives and gives a quick explanation of why Brendan isn’t there: “It just didn’t work out. And we have Ben. I’m still trying to figure it out.” She’s been praying for clarity and she cares about all of them. And instead of handing out the first rose, she asks Ivan if they can go talk.

This isn’t a good sign for Ivan.

They sit down on a Loveseat of Broken Hearts and Broken Dreams. She tells him that some things came up that concerned her. She says religion is a big part of her beliefs. Ivan knows that’s something that’s important to her and he wishes he brought it up sooner.

So, I guess they have significant religious differences that we didn’t see in the previous episode? Did the producers know this? Did anyone?

What follows is a completely understandable and respectful breakup because they are (apparently) not aligned on religion. This is a legitimately important issue, and a legitimate reason why real-life couples break up, and once again I’m surprised at the level of realness and honesty on this show.

I mean, I’m Jewish, so I know from religious differences in relationships. It’s very important to be on the same page, whatever that page is, and some religions are really just irreconcilable, if you want to raise a kid with some level of religion or tradition. I do wish we knew what Ivan’s religion was though. Why was it so incompatible with Tayshia’s?

They say goodbye, with kind words. In the car, Ivan says he knew in the back of his mind it could be the bomb that explodes everything, and it just happened. He thinks it’ll take a while to get over, and it’s harder for Tayshia than she probably thinks, and he thinks she won’t pick anyone.

Tayshia, acting out the ceremony anyway, gives Zac and Ben each a rose. They toast to … whatever. The future? I guess? This is all so weird.

And it’s about to get weirder! The next day (presumably), Tayshia is in her room, journaling while also wearing a beautifully-draped one-shoulder asymmetric dress. As one does. But that’s not what’s weird.

What is weird is that Tayshia crosses the La Quinta campus to go greet her family. They’re super cute! Mom, Dad, a couple of brothers, all happy to see each other. Tayshia tells them she’s been living her best life. Being The Bachelorette during a pandemic? Sure! It’s better than failed sourdough bread and wireless bras!

Tayshia preps her family on Ben, who they’ll meet first. She tells them the story of Ben leaving, and then coming back. Tayshia’s dad, Desmond, is shocked by this news! He is skeptical of meeting Ben. Same, dad.

And then, weirdness: Tayshia meets Ben, like, on the grass of the resort somewhere, and they just walk over to the room where her family is. It’s like the producers have just given up on trying to recreate anything that looks remotely like normal Bachelorette stuff. Maybe it’s just too hot.

Ben walks in with a giant bouquet of flowers and good grief, he is sweaty.

Tayshia starts out pointedly asking Ben where he went to college. Mom and dad seem pleased that the answer was West Point. Tayshia’s mom, Rosario, says “Go Navy, Beat Army.”

After some small talk, Tayshia says they’ve been on a “fun journey” and they toast to second chances. And then it’s time for the one-on-one chats.

Desmond and Tayshia: Desmond asks why Ben. Tayshia says they have deep conversations, and he was one of the first people there she could imagine herself ending up with. Desmond is impressed with Ben’s background, but he’s concerned about Tayshia working so hard to get someone on the same page as her. This is a great point.

Ben and Rosario: Ben is making the hard pitch to Tayshia’s mom. He’s never felt this way before, he can see himself having kids and a family with Tayshia, blah blah blah. He tells Rosario that he’s in love with Tayshia and she looks like she believes him just about as much as I do.

Ben and Desmond: Desmond immediately wants to know what Ben sees in Tayshia and, for a change, Ben talks about the way Tayshia makes him feel. Just kidding! This isn’t “for a change” at all! This is what Ben always does! He doesn’t say anything Tayshia-specific, nothing about her personality, her accomplishments, nothing – just a vague word salad of “she’s incredible” and “everything about her,” and so on.

Basically Ben has never had feelings like this before, and I think Ben needs to listen to the Indigo Girls, specifically the song “Least Complicated,” specifically the line “It isn’t love, it’s only something new.” Because that’s what’s happening here, isn’t it?

The date ends after some family time on Razor-style scooters. They say goodbye to Tayshia’s family and then Ben and Tayshia, alone, kiss. Ben says “I love you. I really love you.” Tayshia interviews that’s just what she needed to hear.

The next day, as Tayshia says, it’s “all about Zac.” She expects Ben will get a lot of questions from her family, but he’s ready for it. He interviews that he knows he needs to do a good job.

Desmond plans on being tough on Zac so that he can feel comfortable when this is all done.

Zac meets everyone and they toast to gratitude and getting to know each other better.

Time for the one-on-one chats!

Tayshia and Desmond: Desmond wants to know what’s going on. Tayshia says it’s “all the things” – he’s a good guy, he makes her excited, and so on. She ranks him an 8.95 out of 10, because she wants her parents’ approval. Desmond reminds Tayshia that there’s no rush to get engaged.

Zac and Rosario: Rosario is straightforward about not wanting Tayshia to get hurt again, and asks Zac if he loves Tayshia. He says he does. We already know this. She asks where he sees them five years from now; Zac says married, happy, falling in love with each other more and more every day, and starting a family. Rosario likes this answer.

Based on the chats so far, I really get the sense that somehow Tayshia signaled to her family that Zac’s the guy to beat. They seem to be more interested in vetting him just a little more thoroughly. I also get the sense that Zac, a 36-year-old man, feels a little awkward having these conversations. Like, he’s not a child, and I think he knows that the way things work at this point is that when it comes to parents, you’re hoping for approval, and support, but not necessarily permission.  

Zac and Desmond: They talk a little bit about Zac’s first marriage. Desmond wants them to be sure. He doesn’t want them to wing it, just to “make it work.” Zac tells Desmond Tayshia told him that Desmond has always been her rock, giving her a good life of private school, and opportunities, and she is looking for the same thing. “The expectations are going to be up here because you set them really high.” Zac wants Desmond to know that doesn’t scare him. He also isn’t going to propose unless he’s sure it’s the right thing to do, because he’s committed to “what that means on the back end.”

Desmond interviews that he likes Zac because he’s a good man. The way he expressed love for Tayshia put Desmond at ease.

And then, they eat what Zac calls “the closest thing to New York pizza in the desert.” Tayshia’s parents seem to really like Zac, actually, which surprises me, because I just haven’t ever bought what Zac is selling. They kiss goodbye.

The next day (presumably) Tayshia’s in her room when the door knocks. Tayshia is clearly prepared for more fuckery, so she seems relieved that it was her dad. He wants to talk to her.

They sit on the couch and try to act normal but this is clearly not normal. It’s quite formal, actually.

He wants to share with Tayshia what the family has been talking about, based on their time with Ben and Zac. They don’t want her to make a mistake. Desmond apparently thinks his grown adult daughter’s happiness is up to him because he says: “I’ve seen you hurt before, and I can’t let that happen this time.” I can’t quite decipher what he’s saying, or who he’s endorsing – although her calling him Daddy and him calling her Baby is clear enough – but it sounds like maybe he doesn’t want her to get engaged yet?

Tayshia then tells the story of how her dad was there for her when she was in a lot of pain, going through her divorce, and she gets why he doesn’t want her to go through that again. It looks like this conversation kind of threw Tayshia’s confidence.

But time marches on, and now it’s time for final dates!

First Final Date: Zac

Tayshia is wearing a fabulous black sleeveless dress. It might be my favorite so far. She and Zac take a seat in the shade but still outside. Why aren’t they doing this at night? Is all of this happening in the same day? The heat must be so incredibly distracting.

Tayshia tries to express to Zac how seriously her family is taking this, and Zac senses a “heaviness” in her. Good thing, then, that they’re going to try to lighten the mood by learning a “traditional” wedding dance in an unnamed culture, I guess? Traditional for whom? The instructors are an engaged pair and they’re trying their best, really everyone is just trying their best, but Tayshia’s carrying the weight of the conversation with her dad.

We see Zac and Tayshia do the dance and I think I figured it out! It’s a compilation of dance moves from the movie Dirty Dancing! That’s tradition, right?

The date is apparently in two parts, because that night, Tayshia and Zac spend time together in his room. Tayshia is a ball of insecurities at this point – I think that talk with her dad really got into her head. She’s concerned about being ambitious now, and less ambitious later if she wants kids, and she’s used to people leaving. Zac tries to reassure her by saying he understands that life happens, he’s had the most fun with her, and he’ll be there.

Zac brings up that it’s his 9-year sobriety anniversary, and his sobriety and recovery is the most important thing in his life, because it allows him to not run away. It’s taught him to face life as it comes his way. It breaks his heart to hear Tayshia say she’s afraid of him running away, and he wouldn’t propose unless he was fully committed and sure. He tells her he knows why he loves her, and it has nothing to do with where she’ll be in five years. He just wants her to be happy. All of this seems to bring a smile to Tayshia’s face, which is nice.

She interviews that Zac loves her and “truly, whole-heartedly” cares about her. They can have hard conversations and talk about anything.

Tayshia makes a toast (with what? Champagne? Sparkling cider? I know it’s none of my business, but I’m curious) to Zac, who makes her feel safe, heard, special, “who has been through hell and back to only be the best man that I could ever dream of.”

Tayshia tells Zac she feels like the day is a dream. Zac says “maybe dreams come true” and Tayshia scolds him for being a Hallmark card. He tells her that he really loves her, he’s given her all he has, and he’d do it again.

Tayshia puts it succinctly in an interview: “I love Zac Clark.”

When they say goodbye, Zac tells her he loves her (again) and as she walks away she says “I love you too.”

OK, so that means we’re done, right? We can just move on to the final Rose Ceremony now? Wait, there’s still another guy?

Oh right. There’s still Ben. Fine.

Final Date: Ben

We are once again confronted with a naked (probably) Ben taking a shower while cameras are filming, as one does, and getting ready shirtless in front of the mirror, while cameras are filming, as one does. He interviews that his gut tells him that he’s going to propose to Tayshia, and she’ll say yes.

Tayshia looks extremely serious as she waits for Ben by the fountain. It makes me think Ben’s gut is wrong.

She interviews that she knows what her heart wants, and it’s not Ben.

So, she goes to Ben’s room to tell him that he’s not the one. She does that thing of starting out with how their journey has been, and he has kind of an expectant smile on his face, but then she eventually gets around to saying that her heart is with someone else, and then Ben is definitely not smiling. She tries to tell Ben how important he is to her, and she doesn’t want him to second guess, and all I can think right now is isn’t this what the Final Rose Ceremony is supposed to be? Is it that Tayshia made up her mind about who she wanted to be with, and didn’t want to spend any time with anyone else? Is Tayshia pulling a Clare, but at a way more show-appropriate time?

Ben walks Tayshia out of his room. They hug goodbye. Ben says he’s happy for her. “Dead serious,” he says.

And now, Ben’s free to pursue his dream of being The Bachelor. He’s trying, he really is. He even makes the motion of wiping away a tear in an interview. Maybe he actually does cry? His whole post-breakup interview is definitely an audition. He gets into a black SUV and is driven … somewhere. Probably not home. Likely back into quarantine. Bye, Ben!

The Final Rose Ceremony

Final Rose Ceremony Day is here! Tayshia contemplates a long white dress. Neil Lane shows up at Zac’s room with a briefcase full of diamond engagement rings. Zac chooses one, and interviews that he loves Tayshia so much. He’s in tears already. This is going to be a long day.

Tayshia, tempting fate by opening up some pink lipstick while wearing a white silk gown (one-shoulder, of course, because this is a woman who knows what looks good on her), does her final prep, and heads off to the location of the Final Rose Ceremony.

She chats with Chris Harrison, who wisely says, when Tayshia says she didn’t expect for this to happen at this point: “If we’ve learned anything this year, we know life can just turn on a dime.” Okay, Chris Harrison. Yes. 2020 sure has been wild, thank you for that recap.

Tayshia says she doesn’t know if she’s ever been in love – true love – until now. She cries a little bit and swears she’s “just excited.” Chris Harrison tells her it’s amazing and she’s all yeah, no, totally, for sure, it’s really good, totally so good.

Tayshia walks on packed dirt, in high heels, through elegantly arranged desert fronds, to wherever it is that this is going to happen. She interviews that she’s stressed, overwhelmed, scared. It’s taken a lot to get here, and it’s all hitting her that this is it. She doesn’t know if she’s doing the right thing.

In case we forgot, Tayshia’s been down this road before, and doesn’t want to be hurt again.

But she loves Zac, and Zac loves her. He’s being driven to the location, and there’s obviously zero suspense as to who is getting out of the car, but the show does that thing where they point the camera at the shoes first and then pan up to reveal the man. Who we all know is Zac.

Zac and Tayshia, on a platform. Zac speaks first. He recalls their first conversation, where they said everything happens for a reason. At that time, he didn’t know what that reason was, but now he does: to meet her. He runs through their greatest hits – the Ferris wheel, their first kiss, meeting their families. He has discovered a love he didn’t know could exist. He loves her because she’s a “strong, independent woman” (ugh BURN THAT PHRASE), and a “total dork,” and some other reasons, and also she drives him “absolutely wild.” He promises to be loyal to her.

It’s a nice speech.

Tayshia takes a deep breath. She tells him she wasn’t sure if finding true love would be possible, but when she met him, she thought he was different, kind, shows gratitude, and has the biggest smile, he’s been through a lot and has never given up, but has also learned how to read her better than anyone ever has, and knows how to comfort her. She says there was one point in her life when she thought she would never get married, because of all the pain she went through.

And then, she says: “I know I told you that I love you … but …

[seriously long dramatic pause, I thought she was going to end it right now, seriously]

… it’s more than that. It’s this wild wild love that I’ve tried to come up with so many reasons to not believe, and you have truly just made me believe that there doesn’t need to be flaws, and that I deserve a love with a man who won’t run away. I’m truly looking at my heart, and yes, it is real, and I feel it too.”

What a relief! For Zac!

Tayshia tells him she wants to make more traditions with him, jump into fountains all over the world, hail a taxi – to which Zac says “prove it.” She wants to keep a smile on his face, because he does everything to keep a huge smile on her face.

Zac: If you’ll let me, I’m going to choose you right now, I’m going to choose you tomorrow morning, I’m going to chose you next week, and next year. I’m going choose you … forever. Because I love you.

Then he gets down on one knee and says “Marry me” and Tayshia whisper-screams “Yes!”

He puts the ring on, they hug and kiss and celebrate. The desert is a truly beautiful backdrop to all of this.

Tayshia: There’s one more thing: Zac, will you accept this rose?

Zac: Absolutely.

Then there’s a bit of jumping and whooping and yelling “We did it!” which I think is kind of a weird thing to say after getting engaged? Zac says they’re going to make beautiful babies, to which Tayshia responds “He’s the gas, I’m the brakes.”

As they walk off, Zac yells “Taxi!” and they get back into the cardboard fake taxi from Zac’s hometown date, which has been updated to say “Just Engaged” on the back.

Aw.

And then, before Zac and Tayshia even leave the frame, the voice of Chris Harrison starts telling us about the next Bachelor, Matt James, the first Black Bachelor in the franchise’s history! It’s taken way too long and we should feel more ashamed than glad that it took this long, but here we are!

From the trailer, it looks like a lot of drama and a lot of tears, but honestly I’m just really impressed that all these people have stayed so TV-ready through the pandemic. And maybe a little jealous.

Tag scene: Zac and Tayshia chatting with Tayshia’s family. Chris Harrison surprises them all by walking in, just like he did with Zac’s family! Hilarity! Desmond actually made a funny joke, so it’s ok.

And that’s a wrap on The Bachelorette: Pandemic Edition! It was my first time recapping a show that I love (or any show) and it was exhausting and challenging but also fun, even though no one is reading this! I’m not sure if I’ll ever do it again, but I’m sure glad I did it this time.

But just in case anyone is reading, I’ll end with this: Take care of yourself, be kind and expect kindness, and I hope you have all the roses you could ever hope for!