Season 17, Episode 9: Good Grief, Greg.

Katie is excited for her hometown dates with Greg, Justin, and Blake!

That’s pretty much all we get as an intro. 

Blake goes first, and his entire personality is “Canada,” apparently. Katie wore red for it, just like how there’s red on the Canadian flag. The producers even have a cheeky little chyron that tells us we’re in “New Mexico, Canada.” Cute. 

Blake mixes drinks that have maple syrup in them, and then they play a game of balloon darts, wherein they reveal secrets to each other and when Blake kisses her he grabs Katie’s butt like it belongs to him. They also do a mechanical moose ride which is both sexual and awkward. Blake says “We don’t have horses in Canada, we have moose in Canada,” and now I’m wondering if I even know what horses are, because what do the Mounties ride? 

Then, as Katie and Blake play hockey, with Katie yelling “Car!” and “Game On!” like they’re in Wayne’s World, things get real cinematic. Camera angles are edited together to suggest that Greg is watching Katie and Blake, and although I don’t think it went down exactly as the editors would have us believe, Greg does interview that he caught a glimpse of Katie and Blake’s date, and now he’s sick to his stomach, because apparently Greg still doesn’t get the premise of show.

That night, Katie meets Blake’s family: his mom, Emily, sister, Taylor, and brother, Cody. She is living her best 90s life, wearing a bolero sweater-slash-flowered dress that I truly hope she paired with some classic Doc Martens. He confirms that he is possibly the worst hype man ever when he says: “You don’t have to be great, you just have to be you.” Uhhh …. thanks? I guess?

Blake’s family knows acknowledges their connection, but they still have questions. Blake’s mom goes first, and she wants to know where Katie’s “at” with Blake, as though Katie’s going to tell Blake’s mom exactly where her son ranks? (Spoiler: Katie doesn’t, although her answer—she doesn’t think it’s right to say she loves Blake while she’s dating other people, but she feels confident that she and Blake would be forever—is fair enough.)

Taylor hits Blake hard out of the gate, speaking for all of Bachelor/ette Nation when she asks Blake what makes this Bachelorette different from all Bachelorettes? He was convinced that Clare was the one, and then Tayshia, so what makes Katie different? Fair question, Taylor! Blake doesn’t really have an answer, he just wants to know what his mom thinks. She likes Katie! She doesn’t want Blake to get hurt! Just like any reasonable person!

The family’s general takeaway is pretty much this: they like Katie, maybe a lot, but they’re not sure that this is going to work out the way Blake things it will. Mom tells Blake to “man the fuck up” and tell Katie he loves her, but he’s too scared to do that at this point, even when he’s making out with Katie as they say goodnight.

The next day, or at least a next day, Justin is on the phone with his parents, who apparently aren’t coming out to New Mexico. Even though they support him, they just don’t get how this whole thing works, and I don’t know, it kind of sounded like they maybe had work obligations, or something? And this was just a funny thing their son was doing? 

Today, we’re pretending that New Mexico is Baltimore, and apparently in Baltimore, you take pictures in front of a sign that says “Baltimore,” and a piece of plywood that stands in for “graffiti alley.” They pretend to look at the water, and to enjoy crabs, and honestly this is the most we’ve seen of Justin’s personality, and I like it! He seems fun, and like an all-around good guy. 

He eventually breaks the news that his parents won’t be coming, which hurts his feelings, but his best friends Herb and Tommy are there instead. Katie says she’s glad to meet his friends, but interviews that Justin’s family not being there makes her question if he’s really ready for an engagement and marriage. 

Katie and Justin meet Herb and Tommy, and they give them the catch-up on their relationship. Herb notes that he’s never seen Justin so affectionate, so Katie might actually be the one. Herb asks if Katie and Justin have told each other they’re in love with each other, and she tells him that Justin hasn’t said it to her, and says (again) that it wouldn’t be fair if she said that to him while she was still technically dating other guys. 

Herb seems to really like Katie, and personally, I kind of like Herb. He was really good on camera! That’s not easy! But Herb is also a little skeptical about this entire process. He doubts that if Justin and Katie aren’t in love with each other yet, can they really get there if they only have two weeks left? This would normally be a fair point, but we’re on Bachelorette Standard Time, where a day feels like a week, and week feels like three months. It’s basically camp.

In their post-date wrap up, Justin tells Katie that he’s falling in love with her. Katie smiles, and kisses him, and says she’s proud of him for saying that, because she could feel him fighting it. Justin’s glad he let himself be vulnerable. They kiss some more, and then say goodnight. 

Sidebar: this has been bothering me all week. If we were supposed to meet four families, and then three guys go on to Fantasy Suites, how is this going to go, since Michael took himself out of the game? Can Katie just not eliminate anyone and go to Fantasy Suites with all of them? Because it kind of feels like she wants to go to Fantasy Suites with all of them. 

Next up is Greg. We first see him walking along in short shorts and a long-sleeve denim shirt, looking contemplative, and I’m annoyed by both of them. I’m annoyed that he’s wearing shorts on a date, and I’m annoyed that Katie is doing the running-and-jumping-into-the-guys’-arms thing, including Greg. 

Anyway. Today, we’re allegedly in New Jersey, which involves tandem biking, eating sandwiches that hopefully haven’t been sitting out too long, Italian ice that has definitely been sitting out too long, and fake surfing. They also play basketball, which Greg used to do with his dad but hasn’t really done since he died. It’s a callback to their first date, when Katie took Greg “camping” because that’s what she used to do with her dad, and fortunately this time they do not make out on a toilet bucket. 

They do, however, make out under fake rain, much like they did on their last one-on-one, when they went to “Seattle” and ended the date kissing under the “rain.” Greg did this thing where he was like “Guess what, it rains in Jersey too,” and snapped his fingers and down came the fake rain. They must be so bored out there in the desert at this point, for this to be as exciting as it is for them. 

Greg is very excited for his family—his mom Sandy, his brother Joe, and a friend from home—to meet Katie. I’d like to note that Greg is wearing a hoodie under what’s maybe a fleece blazer, and it feels verry mid-aughts. Greg’s sisters couldn’t make it, because one just started a new job, and the other is pregnant, but they sent video messages which makes Greg cry.

Joe gets time with Katie first, and he says he hasn’t seen Greg happy in a while. He tells Katie that Greg doesn’t usually talk about his dad, and his death, so it means a lot that he talked about it with Katie. Joe asks Katie if she can imagine herself marrying Greg at the end of this, and she says yes so quickly, it’s pretty clear to me that Greg continues to be her number one choice. 

Which Katie promptly confirms when she’s talking to Sandy. She’s like a faucet: she says she doesn’t want to use the word “frontrunner,” which by “not using” the word she makes it very clear that Greg it just that, and then in case it wasn’t totally clear, Katie clarifies by saying that Greg will be here next week. She doesn’t even care if she’s not allowed to say it! She’s saying it!

Sandy is still concerned that Greg will have his heart broken. Katie, in her way, acknowledges this, and stays strong to her boundary of not sharing whether she’s falling in love. She says that at the end of the journey, everyone gets hurt except for one man. But she also says Greg is “here to stay,” and I honestly don’t know how Katie can be any more reassuring than this while still sticking to her own rules. 

There’s a sweet moment with Sandy and Greg, where Sandy says that she hasn’t seen Greg this happy in a long time, and it’s good to see him that way. He says he sees himself proposing, without question, but he really wants Katie to “be vulnerable” with him, i.e. tell him she’s in love with him. 

Which Katie does not do, when she’s talking to Greg, after he makes a beautiful declaration of love to her. She doesn’t respond quite the way he wants, and he starts to melt down. Even though she asks him to hang in there, there’s not that much more to go, and that he’ll be there next week, he’s still not happy. Katie picks up on this, and tries to reassure him, but it doesn’t work. 

They go into a dark room, and … do they think their mics are off? Does no light equal no sound to them? Because their mics are still on, and we can hear everything. Including what I feel like may be Greg’s emotional manipulation, because he’s basically trying to pressure her into saying she loves him, which she has made clear she’s not going to do until it’s the final person. I don’t like it. Knowing Katie’s history with having been sexually assaulted, in a situation where her consent was not freely given, there’s something about this that doesn’t sit right with me at all. Greg’s trying to get Katie to do something she doesn’t want to do. It’s not great.

The next day, Greg and Blake are chatting. Greg tells Blake he seems to be handling it better than him, and, yeah, since Greg is still stewing over what happened the night before. He says he just needed a “small thing” from Katie, which, a reciprocation of love isn’t a small thing, Greg. Get out of your head. Get out of your own way!

Greg goes to Katie’s room. He’s stiff, she’s nervous. He tells her that when he told her he was in love with her, it felt like he was talking to a stranger. He thinks she “completely dismissed” his feelings. She apologizes, and then tells Greg that she won’t tell any of the guys she loves them until the final one. She says that there were a lot of emotions going around that night, and she was trying to listen more than talk. Greg isn’t really softening to any of this. 

And then, things take a turn. Like, a really ugly turn. Greg keeps saying that he told Katie she “filled a hole” in his heart, and she didn’t react … enough for him? I guess? He tells Katie that he thought she was the one, he thought she was his girl, he told his whole family that. He basically makes Katie ask him if he’s leaving, so that he can say yeah, he’s reached his breaking point. He’s done. 

I honestly don’t understand what Greg is upset about here. He seems to have convinced himself that Katie put up a wall, or wasn’t herself, or something. He’s mad that she said he’s her “number one,” because to him, it’s not about having a list. He’s made that she said he’s getting a rose this week, because to him, this isn’t about roses. He says she just “doesn’t get” where he is in this process.

Greg leaves, dramatically. Katie chases after him, dramatically. She finds him sitting outside, and hugs him, and basically begs him to stay. She says she’s shaking because she doesn’t even know what’s going on. He says he deserves more than what she’s given, and he’s not happy there anymore. And then, he gets up and just … walks away. He leaves Katie alone, crying. 

Greg sucks. Officially, now. Walking away from someone you claim to love, as they’re crying, because they didn’t do exactly what you wanted them to do, no matter how many non-verbal, telepathic signals you sent, is some seriously cold-hearted sociopath shit.   

Katie takes a minute, and then gets up and she, too, says she’s done. She wants to go home. She eventually makes it back to her room, where she goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and just weeps. It’s familiar. It’s painful to hear. Who among us hasn’t been there?

And also, here’s the thing: no matter what Greg says, it is about getting a rose. It literally is about getting a rose. The finale is literally about getting the final rose. I don’t know what he expects from Katie, or why he’s being so hard on her. It’s manipulative. Katie’s reacting like someone who’s being re-traumatized, and for a good reason: this guy just totally pulled the rug out from under her because she, what, didn’t say exactly what his fragile ego needed to hear?

Kaitlyn comes to offer counsel and comfort to Katie, and sits outside the bathroom door to talk to her until Katie lets her in. Katie really doesn’t know how to move forward. She said she followed the rules, she did what she was supposed to do, and now it’s blowing up in her face. Kaitlyn does her very best to be comforting, but Katie ultimately says she wants someone to book her flight home.

Next week, on The Bachelorette: Is that Katie’s mom, saying we don’t put ourselves in situations where we depend on men? Is that a voiceover of undetermined personage, referring to the dramatic “conclusion” to Katie’s time as The Bachelorette? Do Kaitlyn and Tayshia tell Blake and Justin that they’re out, and Katie’s gone to chase after Greg? (This is my least favorite option.)

Tag scene: a look back on Greg and Katie’s finest moments, set to sad music. My husband said it feels like an in memoriam segment. Accurate.