Episode 9: Secrets and Lies, And Also Some Truths, But Then More Lies

Trigger warning: suicide. 

That’s not a joke. I’m not putting it there for effect. Suicide is a real topic during this episode, another one in which the guys go really, really deep and reveal even more trauma than they already have. Maybe it’s the pandemic, or the racial justice movements, or the political uncertainty that has these guys looking inward, evaluating themselves and their lives – whatever it is, it certainly makes for some emotionally rewarding, if not occasionally uncomfortably intimate, viewing, especially since Tayshia herself just radiates light and grace and seems like a true joy to be around. 

In other words: Tonight, on The Bachelorette, the Trauma Olympics continue, with some added Manipulation Games, just for fun. 

Picking up where we left off: the guys are talking about the “two-on-one” Tayshia is currently on with Bennett and Noah, and I really feel like it’s necessary to say that the casualness with which people use language that in almost literally any other context would be really disturbing really bothers me. Like, in reality, the phrase “two-on-one” usually means something has gone very, very wrong. 

The end of the previous episode had Tayshia asking what’s in the box, and the follow-up to that is a giant letdown, because Bennett says it’s a gift he has for Noah, and then Tayshia takes Bennett outside to talk. They have a back and forth about whether Bennett is questioning Tayshia’s integrity and ability to make her own decisions; Tayshia says he is, Bennett swears that he isn’t, but we all know that he really, really is. 

Bennett apologizes in the “I’m sorry you feel that way” kind of way, and talks about IQ vs. EQ and it’s all just blah blah blah. Tayshia doesn’t look like she’s buying any of it. Oh, and Bennett also says “I want nothing better than to love you up,” and it’s the second time in an evening that he’s used that phrase, and coming from him it sounds legitimately terrifying, and I truly wish that Tayshia would just cut him loose then and there.

She doesn’t. 

Instead, she talks with Noah, and hears him out. Tayshia points out that he’s the common denominator in all the house drama, which he acknowledges and regrets. He tells Tayshia that he’s seen Bennett talk to people in ways he shouldn’t talk to them, and he worries that if Tayshia chooses Bennett, one day he’ll talk to her like that as well. 

I have to say, I’m liking Noah in this moment. He’s talking like someone who has been on the receiving end of bullies, or at least mean people, and he seems to be genuine. 

Tayshia takes some time to think, which gives Noah and Bennett even more time to snipe at each other. Noah tells Bennett that he thinks Bennett might not realize when he’s being condescending, and Bennett’s response is that he’s aware that he’s “different” from anyone else in the house, which I don’t think is exactly what Noah was trying to say. 

Tayshia comes back, and does her trademark thing of addressing each of the guys before picking up the rose, turning to Bennett, and pulling a massive fake out by telling him that she can’t give him the rose tonight. She offers to walk him out, apologizing a few times, as though she has anything to be sorry about. Bennett is in shock, and he says the process was really working for him, and he never questioned her. He apologies again that she feels that way, hugs her, drops the classic “I hope you find what you’re looking for” line, and finally – finally! – gets into the car and is driven … away? I guess? Where is he going? Do rejected contestants isolate somewhere else before going home?

In the car, Bennett says: That was a curveball. I didn’t see that coming.

On the couch, my husband says: Everybody saw that coming. 

Tayshia says sending Bennett home felt weird, that it didn’t feel right, “especially since he’s such a good person.” She hopes she made the right decision. 

I was so happy that Bennett was gone, I didn’t pay nearly enough attention to all this foreshadowing. 

Back to Noah, who is literally chugging Tic Tacs, which have already been forever ruined for me, so, whatever. He stands up with a smile when Tayshia comes in, and Tayshia tells him not to smile, that her sending Bennett home wasn’t a victory for him. She’s not going to give him the rose right now; he’ll have to go through the cocktail party, just like everyone else. 

Cocktail Party: Honestly, having Rose Ceremonies in the middle of these episodes really throws me off. The timing isn’t right. I lose track of days. The entire rhythm of the show is off. Basically, I have Bachelorette jet lag. 

The rest of the guys come in to find Noah on the couch, and he tells them it’s not quite what it seems – Bennett got sent home, but Noah didn’t get a rose. And then, Noah kind of, sort of apologizes to the guys for them getting caught up in the drama, which is kind of nice, I guess?

Tayshia then comes in and says as they can see, “Bennett is no longer with us,” and again, in the real world, that means something totally different.

During the Cocktail Party, Riley surprises Tayshia with a little cake, saying it’s their one-week anniversary of being boyfriend and girlfriend. He tells Tayshia that she’s everything he wants and sees in a wife, and … I guess? I mean, I guess a New York lawyer could see having an influencer wife as aspirational? They just have very different lifestyles, is what I’m saying. 

Zac also has something for Tayshia. It’s a framed picture of them on their stupid wedding photo date, where she’s wearing the giant pink dress. Zac tells Tayshia that he’s ready, he’ll do whatever it takes, and then drops the super-romantic “I got your back,” which is a thing that I think people think sounds romantic, but is actually kind of annoying, like when they say they want to find their “person,” which I liked when Cristina said it to Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy more than 12 years ago, but now just sounds trite. 

Anyway. Zac and Tayshia kiss and they use a lot of tongue when they kiss and I truly wish I didn’t know that. 

Then, we see Tayshia and Ben kissing by a fountain. Ben says “we’re really bad at that,” which is ironic because they’re not! They’re actually really good TV kissers. Hardly any tongue at all. 

Ivan tells Tayshia he’s taking it seriously. Brendan is wearing a turtleneck, again. And then it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. 

As the guys await Tayshia, they look at the pile of roses, do some quick math, and determine that three of them will be leaving tonight. Noah is feeling about one-fourth as confident tonight as he has the entire time. More math!

Spencer says it would be heartbreaking to go home. He got Tayshia’s first impression rose, so statistically it would also be surprising.

But life, as they say, is full of surprises, and roses go to:  Brendan, Riley, Blake, Ivan, and … Noah. 

Goodbye, Demar. Goodbye, Spencer. And extra goodbye to you, Ed!

There are now seven guys left. Zac says it’s scary and real for him. He’s falling for Tayshia, but he doesn’t think he’s the only one. 

And that’s the end of the episode, right? What? But we just had a Rose Ceremony, didn’t we? No, there’s still more show? Okay, well, I guess that tracks since we’re already in December and it still feels like March and time doesn’t mean anything anymore.

COMMERCIAL. 

The next day, the vibe among the guys is very “it’s getting real.” JoJo comes with a cheery “Hey, ya’ll!” and tells the guys that Tayshia has confided her that she is, indeed, falling in love. She reminds the guys that next week is “Hometown Week,” and I personally want to thank JoJo for saying that, instead of the pervasive “Hometowns,” because, once again, The Bachelor/ette has its own language and most of the time, I do not like it. 

The first date goes to Ben, and it’s a one-on-one (ahem). It starts out with a series of cute puzzles they have to solve, leading them to different locations around the resort, including the tennis court, a fountain that holds a message in a bottle (which Ben uses as an excuse to take his pants off AGAIN), and then hitting a bunch of pinatas to find a final clue. Ben straight out rips the last pinata open with his hands, and the final clue tells them the scavenger hunt is over and they can just chill out on a bench, or at least I think it says that, because that’s what they do. 

It looks really, really hot. Ben’s jeans are really tight. It all looks uncomfortable. 

Tayshia reminds Ben that he has to put himself out there. He tells her he’s trying to be perfect, and he doesn’t want to share things about himself because he doesn’t want to burden Tayshia. Tayshia says to Ben: “You’re a tough cookie to crack,” and I take three deep cleansing breaths because the misuse of idioms like that bother me a lot more than they should. 

We shift over to the evening part of the date. Tayshia interviews that she knows she and Ben have fun together, but she has yet to see who he really is, and she needs him to show her tonight.

I mean, in their last date, he literally shared that he has a history of disordered eating, which seems like a pretty vulnerable thing to do, but maybe it just got lost during all the trauma bonding of the last group date. In any case, Tayshia needs more Ben from Ben. 

And this is the part that should have come with a trigger warning. At dinner, after some prodding from Tayshia, and her telling Ben that she feels like Ben is trying to present himself as being too perfect, Ben tells her that he survived two failed suicide attempts, one in 2018 and one in 2019. He says he didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems, and he thought the easiest way was to “not be around.”

He credits his sister with saving his life, but he never told her because he didn’t want her to worry, although Ben acknowledges that his sister certainly will know after this show airs. 

This is … very sad. And very heavy. Tayshia tells Ben that she sees him, she hears him, and that’s all she’s been wanting, is for Ben to open up to her. Ben tearfully thanks her. Tayshia gives him the rose. 

The next day, the group date card arrives for Zac, Brendan, Ivan, Noah, and Riley. This means that Blake gets the one-on-one date, which I hope I will remember next week, because, again, this show feels like jet lag. 

Zac is bummed and is extremely intense when he interviews that every minute he has with Tayshia is important. He will go into the group date fearlessly and lay all his feelings on the line, and we already know this date was teased as including a lie detector test and that there is some Zac-related drama around it. But was this tease a fake-out? We’ll see! (Spoiler alert: it was a total fake-out.)

Right before going to commercial, the show runs a PSA for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Good. 

Group Date: As the group date starts, Zac is crying in his interview, again, and he – and the other guys – are blah blah blahing about how things are more intense at this point. Guys, you’re quarantined in the desert with a bunch of other guys chasing after one girl. And there’s a worldwide pandemic. Things are already intense.

Anyway. The guys walk into a room where JoJo is sitting with a polygraph machine. They’re all going to face it, but Tayshia goes first, with JoJo asking the questions. The machine agrees that Tayshia’s telling the truth when she says she’s falling in love, and with more than one person, but when she answers “yes” to whether she regrets sending anyone home, the polygraph doesn’t fully agree. 

Tayshia’s face at this is hilarious, and Brendan guesses that it’s Bennett, and I, again, ignore all of this extremely obvious and not-subtle foreshadowing. 

JoJo asks Ivan if he’s ever been aroused while spending time with Tayshia, and he says yes. The machine agrees. Ha!

Noah is telling the truth about being ready to meet Tayshia’s family, but not so much about whether a woman has ever faked an orgasm with him, and whether he misses his mustache. 

Brendan’s telling the truth when he says he hopes to be prepared to propose to Tayshia at the end of all this, but his responses when asked whether he’s ready to meet Tayshia’s family, or whether he’s ready for Tayshia to meet his family, aren’t entirely true. 

Zac is asked whether he cheated on anyone, and he says yes, and the green light confirms that he’s telling the truth. More on that later. The machine also confirms that Zac is telling the truth when he says he might already be falling in love with Tayshia. 

Riley’s up next, and JoJo asks him whether he’s used to it, since he’s a lawyer. Riley says he refuses to let his clients to do polygraph tests, because they’re not always accurate. HA! This is why I like Riley: I respect him. I didn’t love his opening line to Clare – he said she was “guilty as charged” of looking gorgeous – but lawyers are analytical and funny in a very specific way, and I see that in Riley.

However, when asked what his full name is, the answer Riley gives isn’t actually the correct answer, which is weird. He answers truthfully when asked whether he can see himself falling in love with Tayshia, and when asked whether he’s ready for Tayshia to meet his family next week, he gives a very lawyer answer: “I really want her to. Am I ready for it? I don’t know.” The machine says it’s true.

The lie detector portion of the group date ends. Tayshia has questions. As do I. 

Practical note: it’s already around 10:30 p.m., and we’re just starting the group date. We obviously aren’t even getting to Blake’s one-on-one date in this episode, like will we even know where we are when next week’s episode starts? JET LAG. 

Tayshia greets the guys, and she is definitely wearing what someone has definitely describe as a bride’s “reception dress” for the party portion of her wedding. 

She talks to Zac first, because she is really concerned about the fact that he’s admitted to cheating on a girlfriend. But it’s ok! Because it turns out, when Zac answered that question, he was talking about having cheated on the girlfriend he had in sixth grade! Funny, right? Like, Tayshia’s clearly triggered because her first husband’s infidelity ended their marriage, and it’s something that clearly upsets her, but it’s okay because it’s all in the name of Zac showing off how hilarious he is! Manipulation is never not funny!

Also, I’ll bet you a sourdough starter that Zac has cheated on other girlfriends, but telling Tayshia this story allows him to both pass the lie detector test and not own up to cheating while an adult. But that’s just a hunch. 

Zac also tells Tayshia that he is falling for her, and he hated that the first time he said that was in front of the group while looked up to a polygraph. He wanted to tell her in a more intimate setting. Tayshia tells Zac that in that moment, she wanted to reach over and grab him because she’s falling in love with him too. They make out. 

I’m starting to think Zac might win this whole thing. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have sweet, sweet Zac, who still has a penchant for turtlenecks whilst bubbling in the desert in the idle of the summer. He tells Tayshia that “at face value,” he’s excited for her to meet his family, but they’ve already gone through a proposal, wedding, marriage, and divorce with him, so it means a lot. Tayshia finds this reassuring, because she has the same concerns. 

I kind of hope she ends up with Brendan. 

Prior to talking to Tayshia, Riley is concerned about sharing some of his family history with her. He’s very emotional about this, because he doesn’t want people to see him be vulnerable because they’ll think less of him. He wonders if this is the day he’ll talk about it, and if this is the day he’ll get himself let go from the show. 

Riley tells Tayshia that he knows things didn’t go his way on the lie detector test, and the reason why is that he was named after his father, who raised him, but as an adult Riley legally changed his name, after he and his dad had a falling out. Riley says that his parents divorced when he was a kid, and Riley’s father essentially fed Riley a bunch of lies about his mom, which Riley believed until he was an adult. Riley says his dad took thins from his mom that didn’t belong to him, including sole custody of him and his brother. At one point, Riley said he could hardly look at himself in the mirror. He wanted to be a better man, an honorable man, and the only way to do that was to start over. So he changed his name, and his mom was with him in the courtroom when it happened. 

Whew. That was … a lot. I can see why Riley didn’t pass that part of the polygraph, and why he was nervous to explain. But throughout all of it, Tayshia was listening intently. She looked truly sympathetic, and told Riley that he’s strong as hell, and that she’s honored he shared that with her. They kiss, and maybe I’m projecting because I really like Riley, but I saw more chemistry in that kiss than maybe there was before? 

It’s time for the group date rose, but in true Tayshia style, she doesn’t give it out – she says her conversations were so intimate that she needed more time to decide. 

The guys seem disappointed, but I think this is great! Much like the art date, where Tayshia didn’t want to pick a winner of the Trauma Olympics, I think the fact that she didn’t choose a “winner” her either shows that she is kind. If you’re one of these guys and you put yourself out there like that, how devastating would it be to be rejected on that level? I’m with Tayshia on this one. Totally.

Tayshia ends the group date and walks away. We see her open the gate to her suite, and hear, off-screen, “Hello, Tayshia,” and Tayshia looks shocked, she is literally almost knocked all the way over by the closing gate, and then she actually smiles a little bit and we see that it’s … Bennett. 

Ugh. 

Bennett wants another chance. It’s almost like he telepathically picked up on Tayshia’s second-guessing of her decision to send him home, or more likely the producers told him, but however we got here, we’re here, and Bennett wants back in. He’s apologizing a lot, but still comes off as condescending and manipulative, and it’s a lot of blah blah blah until he literally says “I LOVE YOU” to Tayshia and I swear I heard a record scratch. 

Tayshia is obviously stunned. She tells Bennett that she’ll have to think about it, and the only good thing I can say about this entire exchange is that Bennett leans in for a kiss goodbye (without consent, as usual), and Tayshia turns her head to the side and literally says “Haha, no!” 

Tayshia interviews that it’s been a long time since she’s heard the words “I love you” from someone who means them. She knows Bennett wasn’t saying the words just to say them, but l’m pretty sure that’s literally exactly what he was doing. Tayshia said that saying goodbye to Bennett was hard, but she also has strong connections with other guys. She’s confused. She doesn’t know what to do. 

But I do, Tayshia! Send him home again! Immediately!

We leave Tayshia alone, on her couch, with a glass of red wine, staring contemplatively into the middle distance, perhaps considering all her life choices. 

Unfortunately, the teaser for next week suggests that Bennett is back at least long enough to mess with the other guys. Sounds super fun. 

Tag scene: Tayshia and Ed. She’s placing a sheet mask on him, which I bet feels pretty nice in all that heat. Ed does an interview while wearing the mask, and says doing that with Tayshia was a good indication of what their life could be like: “Hang out, watch some Dateline on a Friday night, and do some face masks.” Pause. “I don’t know why I chose Dateline.” HA! Ed also says that he doesn’t do facials, but he does have a skin care routine he does every now and then, and then says it’s actually just Botox every three months. Oh, Ed. You are somehow both intolerable and hilarious. Can’t say I’ll miss you though.