Episode 8: I’m Bored.

Honestly, I’m not even sure what happened this episode. There were some dates, and some trauma contests, and someone gets naked and someone else sculpts a phallus and it feels like everyone cries at one point, but despite all of that, this really just wasn’t a very interesting episode. 

Oh, except Eazy went home. That’s the most interesting thing that happened. And it’s not even good interesting. 

We start with Tayshia in her room, telling us she has a nervous stomach, which she apparently treats with a full-on lobby-ready continental breakfast spread with pastries, fresh fruit, multiple types of juice, and maybe hopefully coffee, and it’s all at a huge table where she is sitting, alone. 

But then! Former Bachelorette JoJo shows up with a bottle of champagne for some girl talk. Tayshia tells her she’s falling for multiple people and I just want to point out that earlier this season, when Deanna showed up for some girl talk with Clare, the result was Clare running off with Dale. Not that I expect that for Tayshia, because she knows how this game is played, and she’s actually giving multiple guys a pretty fair shot. 

Tayshia talks about how being previously married is weighing on her, and I get the sense this might come up again later. 

We cut to the guys talking about how things are getting more serious, and Bennett is explaining to the guys that since there are fewer of them, it’s getting more serious, and then he uses the word “impactful” like a big boy Harvard graduate. 

Chris Harrison – apparently having taken Ed’s note from their late-night wine date last week to knock before coming in – knocks, and comes in to the room. He tells them that that there are two one-on-one dates and a group date this week, but he won’t be handing out the date card because JoJo is taking over as host for the week. Chris Harrison is leaving the Bachelorette Bubble to take his son to school. 

The one-on-one goes to Zac and I’m already predicting that he’s getting a rose. Tayshia seems really into him. Zac interviews that there’s a lot about him that she doesn’t know, that he hasn’t always had a “straight, narrow” life and his job is addiction specialist so I’m not sure there’s a big mystery here? 

Tayshia says in an interview that she usually goes for guys younger than Zac, but she was immediately attracted to him (which, to me, that’s the mystery, but to each her own). 

And, as teased, they’re shooting wedding photos with a photographer, Franco Lacosta, who is chyroned as “creative director,” but of what exactly, I do not know, and I know that the Bachelor/ette franchise is all about not acknowledging the real world but it freaks me out that Tayshia immediately goes up to this person we haven’t seen and don’t know and hugs him. The whole thing is very “Pandemic? What pandemic?” 

Anyway. Franco tells Tayshia and Zac that he wants to transport them to a wedding day. 

Zac says he can tell Tayshia is “a little shook” by the date. I don’t think the phrase “a little shook” really suits Zac, but ok. Tayshia does seem to be having some emotions about doing these photos and I guess since we can’t traumatize contestants by having them face their fear of heights by forcing them to bungee jump or skydive or abseil down a building or something, we have to force Tayshia to relive her divorce? Cool, cool cool. 

Zac looks ridiculous in his white-coat-black-pants suit. Was someone mad at him? 

The photo shoot continues through multiple wardobe and location changes, with the grande finale apparently taking place on a trampoline, with Tayshia in gown with a huge pink tulle skirt, which makes for a pretty good visual when she and Zac finally collapse on the trampoline, which is what I think producers were going for anyway. I get it. It does look good. 

Zac says he’s starting to develop real feelings for Tayshia, and between him and Bennett realizing he has feelings for her when he fake-proposed at the last group date, I’m starting to sense a trend of guys convincing themselves that they have real feelings after fake commitments.

Tayshia and Zac talk and she “confesses” that it wasn’t her first time wearing a wedding dress. And guess what! Zac was married before too! Everyone’s been married! Tayshia says she thinks it’s cool Zac used to be married because he’s learned what he wants and doesn’t want. I think that’s pretty real. My husband was married and divorced before we met, and I definitely value his experience; it always felt like he took things just that more seriously, because divorce is tough and he doesn’t want to do it again. 

Zac tells Tayshia that she’s so pretty sometimes he has to do a double take. They kiss. 

At dinner, Tayshia says Zac surprises her, which is weird to me because I personally find Zac to be aggressively boring. They both say they had so much fun. They joke that they got married. Oh, haha. 

She tells Zac she “doesn’t know much about Zac, and I want to know more about you.”

Zac’s story is this: he grew up in an “amazing” home with an “amazing” family, but it all started to go wrong after he had emergency brain tumor surgery shortly after graduating college. The surgery led to pain medication, which led to an addiction. He was married, but he was being “selfish,” drinking and doing drugs, hanging out with “sketchy people.” He got arrested. He drove while drunk and got a DUI. His wife left him. Things got “pretty gnarly,” and one day he stole one of his dad’s checks and was trying to cash it, but the teller was on to him and called his dad. Zac calls the teller his “angel.” His dad took him home, Zac had the epiphany that it was finally time to get sober and get his life together. He went to rehab for four and a half months, and now he’s on the board of that rehab center. 

Tayshia, listening sympathetically, calls Zac’s story a wild ride. He calls it the best ride, and it’s like … really? The best? I mean, I can definitely understand having gratitude for an experience like that. I’ve had some myself, and I’m pretty proud of the person I became as a result. But I wouldn’t call them “the best.” 

Look, Zac’s story is a tough story, but I’ll be honest: I would be out as soon as I heard “DUI.” I understand that addiction is a beast and the fight to overcome it is real. But my tolerance for people who drive while drunk is zero. Which isn’t to say that people like Zac don’t deserve love and forgiveness – they do. I just don’t have to be the person to give it to them. 

It also seems that Tayshia feels more comfortable talking with Zac about his issues than she did with Ivan, and I’m wondering if Tayshia prefers guys who she believes need fixing. 

Anyway, Tayshia thanks Zac for opening up to her, and says she knew there was more to him. I remain skeptical. Tayshia gives Zac the rose.

Back at the house, amid some more drama back-and-forth with Bennett and Noah, during which Bennett says he would feel sorry for Tayshia if Noah got the one-on-one date because it would be the worst night of her life, because Bennett really does think he knows best for everyone, the group date card arrives. 

Everyone’s on the group date except for Eazy, which means he gets the next one-on-one date! Yay! I like Eazy. 

Back with Tayshia and Zac, she says she has a “surprise” for him, and the surprise is a full-on Ferris wheel, just for them. They climb on and Tayshia pretends to be scared, which I think she only said to elicit a protective response from Zac. She also says “this is pretty epic, I’m not gonna lie,” and whenever people say that it makes me wonder whether they’re lying every time they don’t say “not gonna lie”? Is lying the default? 

Also I have so many questions about that Ferris wheel. Is it always there? Is the ground of the resort solid enough to handle it? Did they borrow it from Coachella? Are other people allowed to ride it? How did this happen? I want answers. 

Group date: The guys walk into a room and are greeted by an art teacher and two nude models. It’s an art date! Tayshia appreciates guys who put themselves out there, I guess creatively. She’s putting them in an awkward situation to see how they handle it. 

Most of the guys are just relieved they don’t have to get naked. Again. 

Tayshia takes her seat, that was originally next to Noah’s, but Bennett kicked Noah out, because apparently in Bachelor/ette world, dibs is a real thing. 

The guys do their art assignment, and none of them are artists but some of them definitely do better than I would do. 

Next, the whole group does some clay sculpting while blindfolded. Bennet, blindfolded, gets up, walks around Tayshia’s chair, and just kisses her – no consent requested or given, whatsoever – and then basically says “take that Noah” and I really don’t like Bennett. At all. He doesn’t help his case by making some “50 shades of clay” reference. No thank you. 

The guys explain their sculptures, and they’re all fine except Blake, who apparently makes a clay penis? Seriously what is it with some of these guys? Bennett makes up a ridiculous story about his sculpture depicting all the houses he and Tayshia will have in places like the Hamptons, California, and Paris. Whatever. 

Noah complains that Bennett is flaunting his wealth and asks Bennett if privilege is spelled “P-R-I-V-I-L-E-D-G-E” without any irony at all. Bennett says “I’ll let you take that one,” Noah replies “That sounds like a privileged answer.” Tayshia is annoyed, and so am I. 

Next up: self-portraits. The one who “opens up the most” will get some extra one-on-one time with Tayshia. Great. A trauma contest. We’re at the part of the Bachelorette where guys’ attempts to show vulnerability basically comes across as desperation and while I’m sure these guys are mostly sincere, it’s still awkward to watch. 

Noah makes an abstract face which is actually kind of creative and cool. 

Brendan made a picture frame, and said his self portrait isn’t complete without someone by his side, so he turns it horizontal and makes space for Tayshia. She really likes it. It was clever. 

Bennett humblebrags that he did something different, so he did a heart in … needlepoint? Or drew a heart on a needlepoint circle? I honestly don’t know. He says he’s had a hard life. I don’t think I believe him.

Ivan makes a self-portrait in the form of a puzzle and talks about his dad, who has survived two bouts of cancer and a heart attack. His biggest fear is his dad won’t see the man Ivan’s become. He hopes Tayshia will be part of the last piece of the puzzle. Tayshia says it’s “cute.”

Blake draws a turtle dove, and talks about how he’s traveled “far and wide” to find his pair. He says he grew up in a rough house where the police were called to the house a lot (!!!). 

Riley’s portrait looks like a blue sky with clouds, and he tells the story of hearing from his mom for the first time in years. She asked him what kept him going, and he told her about his dream for a time when he would have a small cozy house full of love, with a wife, daughter, and the ability to spend quality time with his first child. When his mom asked him what kind of kid in their 20s dreams about having quality time with their daughter, Riley said he told his mom “a kid who hasn’t had it before.” Ouch, Riley. 

Ben did what looks like a drawing of himself with … flowers? Around his head? He does a fake-out, saying he forgot something and will be right back. It turns out he forgot to forget his clothes! He walks in wearing just a robe, and then drops it. He’s totally naked. He tells Tayshia he’s going to give her “this physical body” as well as “what’s inside,” and he’s “so excited to share it with her.”

Tayshia is overwhelmed and kind of runs out of the room while exclaiming “what an art day!” Once outside, she’s crying. She says it’s a lot. I wonder if it was Ben forcing his nakedness on everyone that pushed her over the edge? Tayshia says she doesn’t know why she’s crying, and then says: “This is what happens when you date real men.”

I’m … not entirely sure I agree with that. 

Inside, Brendan praises Riley for showing vulnerability. Aw, Brendan! 

Tayshia comes back in and tells the guys she can’t possibly chose one winner of the Trauma Olympics, so they’re all just going to hang out. I like this. I’m not sure I’d want to reward a single person for their trauma share either. 

During the evening part of the group date, Riley tells Tayshia more about his childhood, and about how after his parents divorced, he believed all the bad things his dad would say about his mom. But now he and his mom have a “perfect” relationship, so that’s nice. 

Tayshia tells Ivan his puzzle-piece self portrait was “adorable.” Okay. 

Tayshia praises Brendan for being creative, and she liked his portrait. She said she envisioned herself as his wife. They kiss. I like these two together. 

Ben tells Tayshia that he appreciated the date, and he doesn’t often get to be open or vulnerable. He’s uncomfortable with it, but he tells Tayshia he feels a connection with her that he doesn’t think he’s ever felt before, which scares him. 

And then, Ben tells Tayshia his story. He says the reason why he’s into fitness and nutrition is because he had an eating disorder for 15 years. He said he learned at a young age that girls don’t like “the fat kid,” so he started working out a lot, and had bulimia throughout his 20s. He hid it from everyone but his sister, who helped him out. 

I think this was really interesting and important to show. Disordered eating has, for so long, been associated with girls and women, but it also does affect men, even if we don’t talk about it. I appreciate that Ben talked about this. 

Tayshia, in the date-rose-runners-up announcement that’s becoming her signature, singles out Riley (she likes getting to know him), Brendan (she loved the picture), and Ben (he “showed up,”). She gives the rose to Ben. In an interview, Ben says his connection with Tayshia is intense and incredible. 

And then, in what is maybe the best end to a group date I’ve ever seen, Tayshia says to Noah and Bennett: “There’s something going on between you two, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another. GOOD NIGHT.” And walks away. Excellent!

One-on-one date: Eazy is excited for the date. He says he knows his connection with Tayshia is real. Every time he looks in her eyes it’s a “powerful energy.” He feels like he’s known her forever. 

I do not predict great things for Eazy on this date. I really like him. I just don’t think Tayshia does. He says he’s feeling strong, strong feelings. I do not get the sense that Tayshia returns those feelings. We haven’t really seen her talk about Eazy. 

Their date is a “ghost hunting” style date, where they investigate the supernatural history of William Morgan, who apparently owned the land La Quinta is now on, but his wife and child died, and he went mad. It’s rumored that their spirits still haunt the property. The date is shot in that Paranormal Activity night-camera style, and there are jump scares and soundtracks of children laughing or crying. It’s creepy. Tayshia and Eazy laugh and scream and generally have a good time. Tayshia seems particularly interested in getting Eazy to “scream like a girl.” Sure. 

Tayshia said she knew Eazy would be a fun date but she didn’t know it would be so much fun. 

Eazy says he’s feeling confident. 

I’m feeling foreshadowing. 

At dinner, Eazy pretty much cuts right to the chase. He tells her that he “honestly” feels like he’s falling in love with her. He says: “That’s real, that’s so strong, and apparent, I can’t lie about it.”

I mean … maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome. On this show, it’s often hard to tell. 

Back at the house, the guys predict that Eazy will get a rose. Blake thinks Eazy and Tayshia have the “best” chemistry. 

Unfortunately, as it turns out, the guys are wrong, and I was right, because Tayshia also cuts right to the chase. She tells Eazy that she’s asked everyone to be their true, authentic selves, and Eazy has done that. “You’ve just been so good, you’re a solid, good man. I feel like you deserve so much.”

And then she picks up the rose! Which seems cruel in light of what she says next: “Unfortunately, I can’t give you this rose, because I’m not there, where you are, and I don’t know if I can get there. The last thing I want to do is for you to continue to pour yourself out and one day just send you home at a rose ceremony when I can’t even explain to you how amazing you are, because you’re truly amazing. I’m sorry Eazy.”

I mean, Tayshia. Did you have to pick up the rose in that moment? 

Eazy looks stunned. Tayshia asks if she can walk him out. As they do, this exchange happens: 

Eazy: Tayshia, this is real?

Tayshia: Yeah

Eazy: Are you sure?

Tayshia: I am. 

Ouch. 

She hugs him goodbye, he gets in the car. Tayshia feels bad.

This bums me out. Tayshia and Eazy could have been a great power couple! They’re both connected to Newport Beach! They’re beautiful! And bubbly! They could have built an empire, which Tayshia specifically said she wanted!

The guys are very surprised to see Eazy’s luggage be taken away. Eazy is in the limo, confused. It went from great to goodbye in no time. He thought he was supposed to be with Tayshia. He looks like he really is crying. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been more disappointed,” he says, in which case … bless. Bless your heart, Eazy. 

Don’t be sad, Eazy! You’ll be great on Bachelor in Paradise, I just know it. 

Back at the house, ahead of the cocktail party and rose ceremony, JoJo – after hilariously calling out Noah for checking out his reflection before talking to her – tells the guys that before the cocktail party, Tayshia wants what’s essentially an abbreviated two-on-one date with Noah and Bennett. There will be a rose there, which means one will stay and one will go. 

Tayshia says she is concerned about the drama between Bennett and Noah and we see her in her room with a tray of chips and salsa and guacamole and two huge margarita classes. They look good tbh. 

Bennett is confident and cocksure and cocky and all the cock-related words for undeservedly arrogant. 

Noah feels pretty good going into tonight. And then he offers a real, legitimate reason to keep him, by saying: “I actually feel pretty good about Tayshia’s and my relationship.” For this proper conjugation alone, for saying it this way instead of saying “Tayshia and I’s relationship,” Tayshia should keep him.  

Bennett says “I crush life under pressure” and as that happened, my friend texted me that Bennett is basically American Psycho. I feel like a lot of Bachelor/ette Twitter agrees. 

Noah predicts that Bennett is going home, but he’ll cause a lot of trouble on his way out. 

Bennett shows up at the would-be date with a “gift” for Noah, which Noah refers to as a “war gift” and Bennett refers to as a “gentlemanly gift.” The gift includes a red bandana, because Bennett hopes there isn’t bad blood between them; a freshly-washed pair of previously-worn socks that have mustaches on them, because Bennett thinks the only mustache that Noah should wear should be on his feet; and a book on emotional intelligence, because Bennett thinks that Noah is lacking in three of the four components of emotional intelligence. 

It’s honestly excruciating to watch Bennett – who, let’s remember, kissed Tayshia without her permission, while she was blindfolded, engaged in a completely non-kissing activity – lecture Noah on emotional intelligence. I’m not a Noah fan, but at this point I’d rather have him than Bennett stick around. 

Noah calls Bennett’s gifts fake. Bennett says they’re sincere, and tells Noah that he’s actually trying to “love you up.” Which, again, did Noah ask for this? I’m sensing a pattern here. 

As the guys keep going back and forth, Tayshia comes in, and I have to say I just love this dress, with its mesh-one-shoulder cut, and the color. She looks great. 

Tayshia tells the guys she has feelings for both of them, she’s tired of the drama and wants to get to the bottom of it. Which leads to an even more ridiculous exchange between the two of them, in which Noah says Bennett told him there was a “100% chance that Tayshia will never be with me,” and Bennett actually corrects Noah and says “I said 0% chance” and Tayshia looks kind of disgusted with Bennett. Good. 

Tayshia decides she’s had enough ping-ponging back and forth, and then we get this exchange: 

Tayshia: Is this what goes on between you? It sounds like teenage boy drama and the fact that I have to sit there is ridiculous.

Bennett: I agree.

Tayshia: Why hasn’t it ended?

Bennett: I didn’t know there was tension.

Tayshia: You realize you’re questioning my integrity.

Bennett: I actually don’t think that I am.

And then, Tayshia spots the box, and asks: “What’s in the box?”

More on that later, I guess, because we get a “To Be Continued” to close out the show. 

I feel like I’ve just written a few thousand words about nothing, so hopefully next week will be more interesting!