Episode 11: Hometowns(ish)!

Before we start this episode, I just want to say that I have questions. How will these hometown dates happen, exactly? Are we leaving La Quinta? Are we going to actual home towns? Will people be quarantining and isolating and testing? 

We start with Tayshia, looking contemplative while drinking coffee in multiple locations, including in her room, looking out the window, and sitting on a poolside lounge. 

Tayshia’s nervous. She’s been here before. She knows how important family is. 

Meanwhile, the Final Four are in a room together talking about how serious it is, and then Chris Harrison arrives!

Chris has answers, it seems. They’ve moved all the hometown dates to the La Quinta resort. He asks the guys to put together a date that would simulate what it would be like to visit them in their actual home towns – what they would eat, things they would see, and so on. 

Oh and also – the guys’ families are there. They’re quarantining and testing. I have more questions – how long have they been quarantining? How much time was there between the last Rose Ceremony and these would-be hometown dates? Does Tayshia get to see any of the guys during that time? – but Chris Harrison callously answers none of these questions. 

Instead, he tells each of the guys which of his family members will be there, and the guys get emotional. Well, mostly. Ben casually tosses off that he doesn’t cry, and Chris Harrison, continuing his efforts to single-handedly dismantle The Bachelor/ette gender toxicity, asks him about this, with concern. 

All the other guys cry at least a little as they talk about their families. Brendan gets emotional as he says his brother, who will be visiting, has been an excellent father figure since their dad passed, apologizes for crying. From the couch, Ben appears to be studying Brendan to learn how it’s done.

Zac demands a group hug. Aw man. I’m not the biggest fan of Zac, but I do appreciate grown men who express their feelings and expect the men around them to do the same. 

Hometown Date #1: Brendan

Tayshia greets Brendan by jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. A Bachelor/ette classic. 

Brendan has planned a small carnival, which he says is a thing that happens a lot in his small town. He still loves them, even as an adult. But, he says, one thing is missing … 

… and in runs his niece, Aliyah! I didn’t get how old she is. Could be eight, could be 12, I honestly don’t know, but she seems lovely and polite and is very warm to Tayshia. 

Also, Brendan’s sweating a little bit through his pink shirt and I hope he’s glad he didn’t wear a turtleneck today, because I sure am. 

Tayshia, Ben, and Aliyah all play carnival games, and it’s partly cute, but also partly a little bit post-apocalyptic Zombieland. Aliyah’s very engaging, and Tayshia’s interacting with her pretty naturally, and everyone is being generous and affable. After Brendan and Aliyah show Tayshia their secret handshake, Tayshia says she wants one, so they make up one for the three of them. It involves dancing and Brendan is adorable. All three of them are adorable right now. 

Normally, I am not at all a fan of the whole “act like a kid” dates. I don’t like infantilizing adults. But this was really nice – probably because there was an actual kid involved, and everyone seemed to really get along. 

That night, they meet Brendan’s brother Daniel, and his wife Christi. Aliyah is there too. They all cry and hug when they first see each other, which normally would be unusual, but I think a lot of that is because of the pandemic. At this point, they hadn’t seen each other for a while, and if I saw my parents now, after months of not seeing them, I’d cry too. I’d be a puddle. I miss them. 

Anyway. They all joke about the “lie detector” test and Brendan’s “inconclusive” results about possibly having reservations about next steps. Tayshia says she knows it’s a lot, she wonders if Brendan is ready. 

Brendan and Daniel chat. Brendan starts out saying how much Daniel means to him. Daniel looks like he’s about to cry, but it could also be eye sweat because it looks really, really hot there. Later, Brendan says if he could have molded a Bachelorette, it would be Tayshia. He tells Daniel he wants to be an amazing father and husband, like him. 

Christi and Tayshia talk about Tayshia’s prior marriage. Tayshia says talking about their prior marriages was what bonded her and Brendan, and she hadn’t related to someone like that before. Christi talks about the feelings of shame that can come along with divorce, and it’s a genuine, meaningful conversation, where they really do seem to connect. 

In talking to Daniel, Tayshia acknowledges and appreciates that Brendan wears his heart on his sleeve, but she wants to know if he’s really ready for marriage. Daniel says that a couple of years ago, he would have said no, but now he is. He says there’s a spark and a solid foundation there. Tayshia seems to be low-key hinting to Daniel to tell Brendan to tell Tayshia how he feels about her. 

After the date, Tayshia and Brendan spend some time smooching by the fountain before saying goodnight. Tayshia interview that she can definitely see herself falling in love with him. When it’s time to leave, she doesn’t want to. It feels like “game over” in a sense. She feels like Brendan could be her husband. Listen to that feeling, Tayshia! Brendan seems like a sweet guy with a great personality! And he’s super cute! Keep him!

Hometown Date #2: Zac

Tayshia greets Zac by jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. Again. 

Zac’s date is doing “New York things,” like, hailing a cab, which Tayshia has never done in New York. Which part of New York is Zac from, again? Oh, right, New Jersey. That’s ok. Some of my best friends live in Jersey. Zac tries to teach Tayshia how to aggressively hail a cab, and she … doesn’t quite nail it. But then they go find a cardboard taxi that they “take” to a series of “New York” things. 

The first New York thing they do is get bagels. Tayshia puts cream cheese and fresh blueberries on her bagel. Zac is skeptical and so am I, because sweet bagels are an abomination. Tayshia, bless her, says the cream cheese with blueberry is “bomb.”

The second New York thing they do is get a “true New York slice.” From where, exactly? I lived in LA for more than 10 years, and the closest thing I ever got to a “true New York slice” was from Rocco’s on Wilshire just before Crescent Heights, and I’m sure they didn’t bring that all the way out to the desert for this date. New York pizza in LA is basically a futile effort.

The third New York thing they do is sit on a bench next to a lamppost. I have no idea where in New York this is supposed to be. Tayshia says it’s Central Park, but the backdrop is clearly a waterfront and a skyline. Are they at the Promenade in Brooklyn? Somewhere in Riverside park looking across the Hudson? Honestly it looks like a view from New Jersey, but whatever it is, it’s definitely not Central Park. 

Anyway. They’re both nervous about tonight. Zac reminds us that he wouldn’t be sitting there on that non-Central Park bench if it weren’t for his family. Tayshia knows Zac’s parents’ opinion is everything to him. 

The final New York thing they do is to climb fully clothed into a fountain and make out, which is definitely something people for sure do in New York all the time. 

A few hours later, it’s nighttime, and Zac and Tayshia go to meet Zac’s family. Zac’s parents and brother are chatting before they arrive and they seem … skeptical. 

Everyone hugs upon meeting, and the family asks Tayshia and Zac to tell their story. Tayshia says what changed the game for her was their first one-on-one, when they connected. Zac says Tayshia making him smile would make his mom happy, and mom responds with “I’m happy just to see you.” Ouch. Did Zac’s mom just throw some shade? 

Zac’s brother Matthew asks to go talk to Tayshia. He’s skeptical, and rather aggressively cuts right to it: he wants to know where Tyashia is with Zac compared to the other three guys. Tayshia, knowing how this goes, appears to choose her words carefully, and says she’s definitely falling in love with Zac and could see herself marrying him. Matthew, unnecessarily steely, says “You didn’t answer the question.” He asks if Zac has asked her where she is with the other guys, and Tayshia says no, and reminds him it’s not fun to talk about other relationships. Matthew agrees, but says it’s the reality of the situation, and once again – as we’ve seen a million times this season – I’m fairly confident Tayshia already knows the reality of the situation.

Matthew says he wants Tayshia and Zac to have those deep conversations and in this moment Matthew seems kind of he’s trying to control a part of Zac’s life that maybe he can’t control, or shouldn’t control.

Tayshia talks to Zac’s father, Douglas. He says he’s not that comfortable in the situation, but he’s comfortable with her, she shouldn’t “take that the wrong way,” and I’m starting to think this situation might be … a little loaded. I don’t know if it’s because of Zac’s history of addiction, or if it has to do with Tayshia not being white, but … something about it doesn’t feel great. I don’t like it. I don’t like the vibe coming off of Zac’s family. 

Douglas says he comes from a small town, a farm town, and he doesn’t understand Tayshia trying to make a decision among four guys. He says he doesn’t think he could be one of those four guys, so I guess it’s a good thing he’s not, and also is he slut-shaming her a little bit here? Ugh. 

Zac and his mom, Beatrice, are having a chat. She notices he’s happy. Apparently Zac had previously said that he didn’t want to get married, didn’t want kids, but now that he’s met Tayshia he realizes that he does. This makes Beatrice happy. He thanks her for saving his life, basically, and she’s crying. Nothing means more to him than for his mom to see him smiling and having peace. He says he loves her and they hug. 

Beatrice tells Tayshia that she’s happy that Zac seems ready for love. She tells Tayshia that before, Zac said he didn’t want a spouse and kids, and I wonder if this is news to Tayshia? They toast. I guess we’ll never know. 

Tayshia interviews that Zac’s family is amazing, and that his mom is the “cutest little button.” She calls them an amazing family, and I have never seen Tayshia be more from Newport Beach than she is in this moment, because if you’re from Newport, this kind of family is very, very familiar, which I guess maybe she finds comforting. 

After the date, Tayshia and Zac make out a little bit on a bench, and thankfully not in a fountain. Tayshia says the date was amazing, and everything feels easy and natural with him. They kiss some more. She has zero hesitations about him. 

Hometown Date #3: Ivan

Tayshia greets Ivan like an adult, with a hug. She does not jump into his arms. She does not wrap her legs around his waist. Which I think is appropriate, but in this context may also not bode particularly well for Ivan; women jumping into men’s arms like they’re children is the usual move on this show, and it’s coded as an expression of true love. 

Ivan’s date is to recreate his home kitchen and make some Filipino food. He talks about his Filipino heritage and how important cooking is, and brags about knowing one of the top Filipino chefs in the world, and she’s there to give them a lesson and it’s … his niece! Doing a little cooking video! Cute. They make lumpia. Tayshia says it’s a realistic date, and tells Ivan this is her kind of party. She’s glad he’s introducing her to his traditions. Except when they’re done, she feeds him, and he … spits it out? It’s not good? I guess there’s always room for improvement. They dance around the kitchen a little bit and it’s cute. 

Ivan tells Tayshia they’ll be meeting his parents. It’s risky because his dad (who, remember, is in his 70s) has pulmonary fibrosis, which makes it extra risky for him to travel during this time. He says if his dad got Covid, it would be a “death sentence,” so, yeah, it sounds serious. Ivan also says he wishes his brother and niece could be there, but it didn’t work out that way. 

The family meets that night. Mom and Tayshia are wearing matching-ish orange dresses, and she tells Tayshia straight away “you’re beautiful.” Aw. She and Tayshia go spend some time on a velvet couch. In silk. In the desert in the middle of the summer. 

But that’s not even where the heat comes from, because Ivan’s mom (who was never actually chyroned during this segment so I can’t find her name) says straight away that she’s a skeptic, and she doesn’t fully buy it. She asks Tayshia what she likes about Ivan, and Tayshia says he “pleasantly surprised” her from the beginning, which is certainly a nice thing to say about someone. Tayshia’s mom says that Ivan wants to change the world, he’s a good guy. She wants his happiness, wherever this journey leads them. 

Tayshia talks to Ivan’s Dad, Clarence. He says he knows she’s been married before, and tells her he also has been married and divorced. He asks Tayshia what she learned from her first marriage and going through a divorce, and he seems impressed with her answer: Tayshia tells him she was young, and she fought for the marriage, but the divorce was her ex’s decision. She said ultimately it wasn’t the right relationship. Clarence tells Tayshia that he waited a long time to get married again because he wanted to be sure he was in it for the long run, and he encourages her to look for that conviction. Tayshia tells Clarence that she’s ready for it, she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t think that, and when Clarence asks Tayshia if she thinks it could definitely be Ivan, she says it absolutely could. 

In an interview, Clarence says “I’m really impressed with the young lady,” and I think he’s the second dad who didn’t know her name? Because Zac’s dad also seemed to forget her name briefly before remembering at the last second. Clarence says Tayshia exudes confidence, she and Ivan could be a really good match, and he’ll leave it at that. He’s impressed. 

Ivan tells his mom that he doesn’t see himself proposing to Tayshia right now, but he sees a path forward potentially, after meeting her family, and after “a fantasy suite situation.” Mom: “If she keeps you.” Ivan seems confident he’ll be there. He says maybe he’ll be engaged or maybe he won’t be, but he’s asking mom to trust him, and she does. Mom’s a skeptic, but it doesn’t matter what she feels, if he’s happy, she’s happy. She says if they chose each other, she’d welcome Tayshia with open arms. 

Interspersed with all of this is Ivan interviewing that he wish his brother Gabriel could be there, and then guess what happens? As Ivan and Tayshia and his parents are chatting, we see someone come into the room who could only be Ivan’s brother. Ivan doesn’t see him at first, but Tayshia seems to know exactly who it is, and gently touches Ivan’s chin to point his face in the direction of his brother, and when he realizes what’s going on, it’s as emotional as you’d expect. Lots of tears. Even Tayshia seems a little emotional. It’s a lot of hugging. It’s very sweet. 

Ivan is clearly happy. He tells his brother how much he means to him, that they’re best friends. His brother says it’s hard to know that when he got “dropped in the water,” they had to fend for themselves, and mom breaks the following silence with a simple and loving “we’re family. That’s what family does.” Gabriel then asks to talk to Ivan for a while. 

It seems fitting for this particular Bachelorette season that we would meet Ivan’s brother. This season has confronted so many issues already, in ways we haven’t seen before on this show: racism, sexism, maybe a little bit of ageism, definitely racial and social justice, suicide, addiction, parental abandonment, body image issues. It makes sense that they would also include Ivan’s brother, who has been to prison, and it’s something that clearly continues to weigh heavily on his family. I have a feeling this reality isn’t something that The Bachelor/ette audiences sees outside of a scripted TV show, and I appreciate it. 

Gabriel tells Ivan that he noticed that things seem comfortable and easy between him and Tayshia. Gabriel could tell from Ivan’s energy that he’s “glowing,” and he really likes her. He says Ivan and Tayshia together is organic. 

Then Gabriel and Tayshia have a chance to talk. Taysha says Ivan told her all about him, and Gabriel responds with “he told you all the bad stuff, huh?” Tayshia immediately responded with a fairly high-pitched, drawn out “Nooooo, no are you kidding me?” and I kind of wish that she was a little more honest in this moment. She did hear the “bad stuff” about Gabriel, and what he went through, and what it was like for Ivan and his family to experience that. Whatever the circumstances were that led to his imprisonment, and especially considering that he was abused by the prison officials, none of that is “good stuff,” but it’s real stuff, and she doesn’t need to ignore it or try to put a positive spin on it. 

Gabriel asks what Tayshia likes about Ivan, and she says he has a lot of qualities she wants in a husband: loyal, reliable, would be a great father. Gabriel agrees, especially with the loyalty part, because Ivan’s been demonstrating that to him his whole life. Gabriel gets emotional, and says he likes seeing Ivan and Tayshia together. 

The date ends on a warm and happy note, with all of them hugging goodbye. Tayshia says they made her feel special and included, and that’s something she wants to be a part of. 

After the date, Ivan asks Tayshia her thoughts. She tells him she sees where he comes from, and she “really gets it” now. Ivan tells her he has strong feelings for her, and he would really look forward to “next week, if you shall have me there.” He tells her he’s the happiest person in the world right now, which seems to both surprise and delight Tayshia. They kiss. Ivan says the date gave him a vision of his possible future with Tayshia, and you know what? Me too. I couldn’t see Ivan and Tayshia together before, but after this date, I really can. They are cute together! Although I think maybe Ivan would be cute with anyone? I don’t know. I think he’s the total package. Team Ivan!

Hometown Date #4: Ben

Tayshia greets Ben by jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. So, I guess we’re back to that. 

For his date, Ben says that although he’s from Indiana, home is where you feel most yourself, so they are going to Venice Beach. He’s going to show her how he lives his life. 

In an interview, Tayshia says she’s had her eye on Ben since day one. She knows where her heart stands – she’s starting to fall in love with him. But she hasn’t heard that from him yet. 

The foreshadowing music in this scene is implied. 

First, they rollerblade and pretend they’re on the boardwalk, except without the beach and the sand and all the actual people. Venice boardwalk, pandemic-style, I guess? Ben interviews that it doesn’t feel like a date, just that he’s with his girlfiend. He says he has an insane connection with her. 

He takes Tayshia to a makeshift “juice bar,” where they do “wellness shots” that Ben thinks are “aggressive.” Tayshia has been described as an influencer in the health and wellness space, so this could actually be a really good match. 

Next, they go “shopping” for sun hats and sun glasses, on racks that some poor PA had to drag over from the La Quinta Resort & Spa Gift Shop. They unveil a caricature of them as a couple that, at best, vaguely looks like Ben and doesn’t look anything at all like Tayshia. Yikes. 

Then they go to a pool and pretend it’s the beach. She asks who she’s meeting, and Ben tells her they’re going to meet his sister, Madalyn, and a close family friend, Antonia. His parents couldn’t make it because of Covid – his dad’s a doctor. Tayshia asks Ben if his parents think he’s ready for marriage, and he said yes. Ben interviews what they want is for him to be happy, and he’s never been happier in his entire life. Tayshia is the most pleasant surprise he’s ever had, and again, I have mixed feelings about “pleasant surprise” being someone’s highest praise. 

Before meeting Ben’s family, Tayshia interviews that she’s falling for Ben, but it won’t really mean something until Ben tells her he’s falling for her. 

The implied foreshadowing music starts to get a little bit louder. 

When we meet Madalyn and Antonia, it turns out that this family friend is “Top Chef” star Antonia Lofaso, who owns multiple restaurants in LA and who, apparently, is one of Ben’s personal training clients. 

Madalyn first talks to Tayshia, who says it sometimes feels like Ben is guarded, and sometimes she worries he’s hiding something. Madalyn says he may be more guarded in this situation, but he’s not hiding anything – it’s just that “the wall hasn’t broken down yet.” So, I guess we’re still pushing the myth that the harder a guy’s wall is to break through, the more special a girl must be, right? Cool, cool cool. 

Madalyn tells Tayshia that Ben’s sensitive, and has been hurt in the past, but at the end of the day, he wants to be vulnerable with that special person. 

Antonia and Ben talk. Ben’s struggling with how to tell Tayshia how he feels. He’s afraid to tell her he’s falling in love with her, because “love is a scary word, once you say it, it can’t be unsaid.” 

Antonia says in response: “You love her.”

Ben hesitates. He isn’t quite sure. The drumbeat of the implied foreshadowing music gets just a little bit louder. 

Antonia tells Ben: “You love her. You love her. It’s not even a question.”

Ben, as though this notion were just now occurring to him, says: “I’m in love with her.” Antonia says she knew it the second they sat down. Ben says he doesn’t know how to say it, and Antonia says the same way he says it to them, just let go.”

Ben interviews that he didn’t know it was love until Antiona called him out on it. This has been the most important night of his life, and talking with Madalyn and Antonia gave him new perspective. He’s leaving in love, and he wants to tell Tayshia that. 

The implied foreshadowing music is now drowning out all other dialogue. 

Ben and Tayshia are on the couch, talking about what a good day it was. It’s tough to recap correctly, but basically Tayshia gives Ben several opportunities to just freaking tell her he’s falling in love with her, and he … doesn’t. He was on the very edge of saying it, of saying he was in love with her, and then didn’t. He blew it, and he knows it. He’s in love with her and he didn’t tell her, saying: “In true Ben fashion, I blew it.”

I mean … maybe? Or maybe you’re not actually in love with her? Sometimes if it’s that hard to say, maybe it’s because the feelings aren’t there. 

Rose Ceremony

Tayshia interviews that she had an amazing week with the four guys. The problem is that she’s definitely falling for all of them, and she has to make a decision and follow her heart. It’s not easy. Life with each of them could be amazing. But she can’t be with all four of them. Maybe you can Tayshia! Smash the patriarchy and burn it to the ground!

Brendan, back in a turtleneck thank God, arrives first. Chris Harrison is apparently checking ID tonight, greeting each of the guys briefly before letting them into the Rose Ceremony room. Ivan arrives second, followed by Zac. 

When Ben arrives, Chris asks how his week was. Ben says he’s excited for what tonight could bring. He says he’s in love with Tayshia. Chris Harrison, who knows literally everything about everyone on this show, asks if Tayshia knows that? Ben says “Not yet,” and Chris Harrison is pretty much “Welp, good luck with that, my dude.” 

When Tayshia arrives, Chris Harrison asks if she knows how the guys feel about her. She says she tries to guess, but she just hopes they’re on the same page as her.

Chris Harrison knows exactly how this is going to go down. 

Before handing out the roses, Tayshia thanks all the guys for the week they’ve had. She tells them after every date, things got harder, because she holds their families’ hearts in her hands. But all she can do is follow her heart, because it got her this far with four incredible (?) guys, and she’s going to continue to trust it. 

And the roses go to: Ivan. Zac. Brendan. 

The foreshadowing music reaches its crescendo as Ben realizes that he is, indeed, being sent home tonight. 

Tayshia looks gutted. 

Me: I really thought Ben would go all the way. She definitely wanted to at least sleep with him. 

My husband: ALWAYS DO WHAT CHEF ANTONIA TELLS YOU TO DO. 

Tayshia asks to walk Ben out and we see the three remaining guys just … standing there? The shot lingers. It’s a little weird. 

Tayshia tells Ben that she’s sorry, and that he’s incredible. She cares about him, but she’s not sure if their pages are aligned.

Ben isn’t sure what to say, because of course he’s not, but he says a whole lot of things that aren’t “I’m falling in love with you, Tayshia.” Tayshia, not unreasonably, perceives Ben’s response as lacking. She really wants him to give her some kind of indication that the past few weeks meant something to him, but he just doesn’t. I think she knows that he was on the verge of saying it, but the fact that he couldn’t follow through was enough for her to send him home, and I have to say, I don’t disagree with the decision. 

She walks him to the car and says: “I wish you the best, and know that I truly care about you.”

Ben: “As do I.” 

They hug. He gets in the car. The car drives away. 

Tayshia interviews that she’s not asking for a grand gesture, but was disappointed that Ben couldn’t give her “one ounce” of emotion. He wasn’t angry, or sad, just empty. 

Ben, in the car, looks stunned. It’s actually pretty painful to watch. He says he’s in love with her, he thought they’d get married and have kids.

Tayshia says it’s not how she thought it would end with Ben, because she could have seen herself ending up with him, but then she says this, which is perfect: “I’ve put a lot of time and energy into pulling things out of Ben, and I can’t do that every single time.”

Truth. 

In the car, Ben says: “I should have told her how I felt when I had the chance, after my Hometown. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to fall out of love with her. Maybe she loved me and thought I didn’t love her back. If that’s the case, I f***in’ blew it.”

Yep. That about sums it all up. 

Tag scene: Zac and Tayshia talking with Zac’s family about how they’ve seen all The Bachelor episodes, including Bachelor in Paradise, which Tayshia was also on. Tayshia, not missing a beat, says: “I’ve never heard of it.” Ha! Zac’s family was saying they’re disappointed they didn’t get to meet Chris, but then, look! It’s Chris Harrison! In person! To meet them! They are literally way more excited about Chris Harrison than they are about Tayshia, which is just one more reason not to trust this family. 

Next week: Fantasy Suites on Monday! Finale on Tuesday! Tayshia’s dad doesn’t want her to be making the biggest mistake of her life! Neither do we!