Episode 7: The Realest Bachelor/ette Episode … Ever?

I think this is the best episode of The Bachelore/ette I’ve ever seen. We get to see real people having open, uninterrupted conversations about what is happening in America right now, and how it affects them specifically.

We also got to see perhaps the biggest pot-stirring lie ever told by a Bachelorette contestant. 

There was a lot going on. 

The episode started out Bachelor/ette-y enough: guys lounging around the pool, being bros, going through the usual stages of Bachelor/ette-induced Stockholm Syndrome. Chasen and Noah – a pair of guys worth avoiding at all costs – toast to Noah getting the rose. Noah mumbles something about starting his own “drama club” with the date-crashing, mustache-shaving shenanigans of the night before, and Chasen, who has literally referred to himself as Wolverine, told Noah that when he lost his mustache, he lost his superpower. Noah has no regrets though, and he refers to the other guys in the house as “a bunch of weens.” Lovely. 

Ben is still kicking himself for missing an opportunity to spend time with Tayshia on the group date the previous night.

Group date: The guys are challenged to write an original love song and perform it for Tayshia. Hey, it worked for Jason and Molly! Well, kind of. Eventually. The winner of the contest gets “truly intimate” one-on-one time with Tayshia. 

The guys have just one hour to prepare their songs, and we’re treated to a lovely montage of Bennett – who went to Harvard, don’t forget – trying to find rhymes. “House … mouse, douse. Ground, bound, Found.” Bennett informs us that although he didn’t take any music courses at Harvard, he did “spit some flow for my high school friends over, you know, some retreats.” In addition to being quite possibly the most Bennett sentence ever said by any Bennett anywhere, I would also like to point out that Bennett is 36, and if we are living in a world where what we did in high school qualifies us for what we want to do when we’re 36, well, back in high school I was the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, so, hey, New York Times, come get your girl!

Ivan, the aeronautical engineer, is especially nervous because he has no musical ability. 

Blake doesn’t know where to start. Zac tells him to “listen to your heart,” which, of course the show would keep that line. Demar seems confident that everyone will be “in their feels” when they hear his song. Kenny says it’s probably the “most terrifying” thing he’s done in his life, which I think is an odd thing for someone who literally works in the music industry to say. 

Tayshia says she’s not going to judge the guys too harshly, since she’s pretty sure none of them are actual singers, and I wonder if such lowered expectations were also applied to the wrestling date? Or are we more forgiving of the guys on a songwriting date because wrestling is something that comes naturally to grown-ass men, and grown-ass men simply shouldn’t be expected to be able to naturally express their feelings through song? Asking as a feminist. 

Zac starts things off with a song that sounds suspiciously like “Let’s Get Together” from the original Parent Trap movie. Kenny doesn’t have much to offer, and Blake literally destroys what I think is a mandolin, or maybe a ukulele. Riley does a spoken word thing that looks intense, and Bennett raps. Demar wrote a song called “Mocha Latte,” but in the end the winner was Ivan, whose song didn’t have a ton of musicality to it, but he kissed Tayshia’s hand at the end and her eyes lit up. It was very sweet. 

Tayshia and Ivan One-on-One Date: Ivan arrives at Tayshia’s suite, rolling his suitcase along with him, and has this group date turned into a one-on-one date? Does Ivan go home if he doesn’t get a rose? Why are the stakes suddenly so high?

The date starts out with Tayshia suggesting they order room service, which she quickly converts into a game of The Floor is Lava, and I really do not understand the rules of this game. Can you pull giant stones from lava and throw them around to create a walkway? Is that allowed? What are the physics at play here, exactly?

Other games of the night include: Manufactured Pillow Fight, Twister, Bocce Ball, and Who Can Eat This Giant Bowl of Ice Cream That Contains Literally All The Ice Cream In The Coachella Valley? Seriously, there must have been at least thirty scoops of ice cream in this giant-sized dish, and it started melting over the sides and on to the table and giving me anxiety, which wasn’t helped by the fact that the flavors were strawberry and “Jamocha” and I truly, truly just do not believe in the validity of things that taste like coffee but aren’t coffee. Hard, hard pass. 

Also I just want to take a moment to say: other Bachelor/ette seasons have gone to far-flung, romantic locations, and these two are playing The Floor is Lava at a hotel in the California desert. Go to hell, 2020. 

Anyway. Tayshia and Ivan play games, she feeds him sushi, they make out a little bit. Ivan thinks it’s a preview of what their life together could be like. He tells her he lit up when he saw her for the first time, and she brings life into him. All the guys in the house say he’s basically a new guy, and it’s because she brings out the best in him. In an interview, Tayshia says this means a lot to her, and honestly, it looks like they’re pretty comfortable together, which is nice. 

As Tayshia and Ivan eat spoonfuls of ice cream, they talk about how they have similar skin tones. Tayshia says she likes that Ivan is Filipino, and she’s never met someone who is Filipino and Black. Ivan’s surprised to hear this, but Tayshia explains she grew up in Orange County, and as someone who also grew up in Orange County – specifically, Newport Beach, where Tayshia is reportedly from – I can confirm that there is not a whole lot of diversity there, at least not when I was growing up. 

The ice cream continues to drip over the sides of the bowl. I continue to stress out about it.

Back at the house, the guys get the next group date card, which says: “How far are you willing to go for love?” Joe, looking great in his hair, reads the card. More Joe please, show!

Noah says that even though he got the group date rose on a group date he wasn’t even supposed to be on, he had hoped to be part of the next group date anyway. The guys seethe.

Back to Ivan and Tayshia. Ivan says he’s serious about building something real, but he’s nervous about digging into his past with her. He tells Tayshia about his family, starting with his dad’s age – 73 – and what it meant to have an older dad growing up. They both talk about how they have sweet moms, and Tayshia says her mom made sure that Tayshia relied on her faith to get through tough times. She tells Ivan that her dad isn’t 50 yet, and Ivan almost spits out his wine, saying that his dad could be her dad’s dad. Ha! 

They talk about the high expectations of being the oldest sibling, and here’s where things start to take a turn toward the serious. Ivan grew up wanting to be the best example for his younger brother, and he was pretty much a straight arrow, but when Ivan left for college, his brother took what Ivan calls a “dark turn for the worse.” Ivan said his brother literally was not in control of himself, and he wasn’t the same younger brother he had been trying to set an example for. Ivan’s brother ended up going to prison for four years. 

Ivan gets really personal, talking about how hard it was for him to watch his brother go through this experience. His brother had had a child with his girlfriend shortly before going to prison, and it was devastating for Ivan to watch how his niece, for the first two years of her life, literally couldn’t touch her dad, because they could only see each other through a glass screen. Ivan’s crying as he tells this story, and honestly, so am I. Ivan says he’ll be the second dad to his niece, and give her whatever she needs. He says he has so much more empathy as a result of seeing what his brother went through, and now he doesn’t pass judgment on anyone else’s struggles. He’s happy to say that his brother was released from prison last year, and they’re best friends, and he cherishes the moments he gets to share with his brother and his niece. 

This was legitimately moving to watch. Ivan was so real and authentic, and I know he didn’t share this story with Tayshia just so I, a white woman recapping the Bachelorette for a blog that no one reads, could also be reminded to have empathy for people’s lived experiences, but here we are. 

The show could have stopped there. We got to see Ivan tell a difficult and personal story, and be open and vulnerable with Tayshia. We can already see that he’s there for the right reasons, and that he’s a good guy who cares deeply about his family. 

But the show doesn’t stop there. The show decides to give some space to an even bigger conversation, as it shifts to the topic of police brutality, Black Lives Matter, and the realities of being Black in America today. 

Ivan says his brother went through some really dark times in prison, and Ivan was the only person his brother really talked to about it. He brings up the murder of George Floyd, and how the subject of police brutality hits home for him, because as he learned from his brother, the brutality from law enforcement was even worse in prison. Ivan said corrections officers would beat up his brother, and admitted that his first reaction was to ask his brother: “What did you do?”

Oh, man. I am not equipped with the life experience or vocabulary to examine all that that must have held for Ivan, how tough it must have been for him to acknowledge having this thought, both to himself and out loud. But watching him talk about this was legitimately moving. 

Ivan says he knows now that it doesn’t matter what his brother did, or what George Floyd did, because law enforcement still has to do its job, and do it right. Ivan says that the pandemic, and the Black Lives Matter movement following the death of George Floyd, has changed him as a man. 

He then asks Tayshia how the events of the year have affected her, and Tayshia struggles to get her words out. She says it’s a lot, and it affects her more than she probably knows. She starts tear up, and she says she doesn’t know why it’s tough to talk about, but Ivan gives her space and support. He tells her that she’s just human and it’s tough, and he gets it. Tayshia says it affects her, and she doesn’t know why it affects her so much, but it hurts a lot. In an interview, Ivan notes that Tayshia is struggling with things internally that are uncomfortable to say, and he tells her that he trusts her enough to open up to her, and he wants her to feel comfortable talking about those things with him, which she eventually does:

“Being in Orange County, surrounded by a lot of people who don’t look like me, being the only person who looks like me, I’m realizing that I’ve been trying so hard my whole life to blend in because I knew I was different. I remember hearing people yelling “Black Lives Matter,” and I don’t know why it made me cry … but hearing people yell “Black Lives Matter” it hit me more than I realized, just because those are people in my backyard that I’ve been trying to prove for so long that I’m the same as them.”

My heart really hurts for Tayshia in this moment. I know where she’s from, the part of Orange County where she grew up. I know the kind of people she’s talking about when she talks about the people in her backyard. I cannot imagine the pressure she must have faced growing up there.

Ivan says he can relate, and said it reminded him of being a minority at college, where he faced racial slurs while walking around campus. Tayshia asks how events have affected him, and Ivan says he’s inspired, because he never expected people to come together as they did for a common cause. He says it’s been beautiful to watch. Tayshia agrees, and says she’s had to put a lot of things into perspective.

Ivan then says to Tayshia: “We’re both biracial, have Black dads, and we have this beautiful love story developing.” Tayshia says that she’s never “had this” before, someone “mixed like me,” and 2020 made that happen. “And it’s opened my eyes, to say what the hell are you doing, wake up!” She tells Ivan that he hasn’t had a chance to really talk about this with someone who understands her, and she appreciates him opening up to her about his family, and about the events of the year.

Tayshia gives Ivan the rose. They make out for a little bit, and then watch a slide show of pictures of Tayshia as a kid. In an interview, Tayshia says she’s never met a guy like Ivan before, and that finding so much in common with him is special to her. She says he understands her, more than anyone else can, and this makes me feel very sad for Tayshia. I mean, I’m glad that she and Ivan are connecting, because Ivan seems like a legitimately great guy, but I’m sad that she hasn’t had a connection like this in her life before. Tayshia says she feels like she and Ivan can have a beautiful relationship, and she’s excited about him. 

So this date, which started out with a pillow fight and a game of Twister, ended up being perhaps the most important date we’ve ever seen, across all seasons of this show. I can’t remember any time the Bachelor/ette has gone this deep on race issues. And, yeah, we haven’t had a year like 2020, so maybe that’s what it took to get the decision-makers on this show to actually share this conversation with us, even though the issues have been there the whole time. And it’s not just about the race issues; in a Bachelorette season rife with damaging gender stereotypes and toxic masculinity, there is immeasurable value in seeing a man share such a personal story, with sincere emotion and vulnerability, and for Tayshia to receive that in such a positive, affirming way. 

It was intimate and emotional, and I am curious to see if others feel like it was staged or in any way exploitative of the pain of these two people (early reactions on Twitter are positive). I’m a white woman, from a white family, married to a white man, and I don’t think I can overstate the impact of just witnessing this conversation between a Black woman and Black man, that would otherwise be private, about police brutality and racial justice. There’s literally no other way I would see this, and it has deepened my understanding and empathy, and I’m extremely grateful that the producers decided to include this. 

Also, out of all we’ve seen so far, I can confidently say this: Ivan is, without a doubt, a grown-ass man. 

Group date: It’s a series of dares, and two of Tayshia’s friends show up – former Bachelorette Becca and former Bachelor contestant Sydney. Also it looks so freaking hot out there in that desert, I don’t know how anyone is able to tolerate even being outside. 

The guys are put into teams of two, and given maps to different dares all across the La Quinta property. Zac and Riley come upon a series of mason jars in a “Not So Smoothie” dare. Riley picks up “Forbidden Love” which contains tomato, apple, banana, spinach, cow intestines, and water scorpion. Riley chugs it down, almost losing it in the middle. Blech. 

Demar and Bennet find the “Sign on the Bottom … Line” dare, which requires the guys to find Chris Harrison and get him to autograph a part of their body where the sun doesn’t shine. They find Chris poolside, apparently enjoying a refreshing meal of crab legs and champagne, and Chris eventually signs Demar’s … thigh? I think? 

Blake and Kenny arrive at “Dial it All the Way Up,” which is a dare for the guys to “give us your best orgasm” into phones that are apparently hooked up to the resort’s loudspeaker system, which is exactly what it was designed for, I’m sure. All the guys not on the group date are treated to both Kenny and Blake making some hilariously cartoonish sounds, which closed captioning describes as “moans climactically,” and I’m just going to leave it at that. 

After all the guys have done all the dares, there’s one final dare: “That Burning Sensation,” in which each guy is dared to eat a full habanero pepper, which makes me feel a little sick just to describe, and then propose to Tayshia. The guys get through it – Bennett even discovers that might have real feelings for Tayshia while fake proposing to her – but it’s tough to watch. 

During the nighttime portion of the group date, Bennett tells Tayshia that he didn’t expect to develop feelings while doing his fake proposal, and that he hasn’t felt this way since he was 18, and I personally think that, at least for Bennett, it’s less about Tayshia and more about spending months in isolation only to switch to competing with 20-plus other guys for the love of one woman. We also learn that Bennett was previously engaged, and when Tayshia asked him if he called it off, he was kind of cagey about it, which means he wasn’t the one to end it, right? 

I’m not sure that Tayshia share’s Bennett’s alleged feelings, but she kisses him anyway, and while I can appreciate a girl who likes to make out, but I really do wish all Bachelor/ette contestants could take just a quick class on how to make an on-screen kiss look good. I mean, it’s LA – there’s got to be a class like that, right? 

Bennett’s feeling excited about Tayshia, and goes back to the group with a huge smile on his face. He’s feeling confident about getting the group date rose. 

Tayshia takes some time with Blake, Riley, Kenny, and Demar, and eventually gets into a hot tub with Zac. They exchange platitudes of how they feel nervous around each other, how they want to build something with someone, getting through the tough times, etc. etc. It’s boring, for the most part, and then they make out. 

When it comes time to give out the group date rose, Tayshia, in her way, praises each of the guys in the running for the rose – Bennett, Zac, and Blake – with the rose going to Zac. Bennett is shocked, and Blake doesn’t look happy either. 

Meanwhile, Ben is hatching a plan to make up for the mistake of the last group date when he missed his chance to spend time with Tayshia. He says he’s going to find her room, secret-mission style, under cover of darkness, and in case we forgot, Ben is a former Army Ranger. He hasn’t done a secret mission in years. 

But then! Ed, perhaps a bit jealous of Noah being rewarded simply for being “bold,” is also plotting to go to Tayshia’s room! Just to let her know he’s excited to see her!

There’s some dramatic music, and some clever editing to imply an Amazing Race-style, who-will-get-there-first situation … but Ed, hilariously, ends up knocking on Chris Harrison’s door, to the apparent surprise of both men. Chris looks genuinely surprised to find Ed there, but I doubt that anything like this would be truly spontaneous on this show. Ed, however, was definitely surprised, and didn’t seem happy about it. 

Ed, to Chris: Uh … how’s it going? 

Chris, to Ed: Ed? It’s 2:30 in the morning, what are you doing? 

I have questions: Is it really 2:30 in the morning? If so, how does Chris Harrison look so fresh at that hour? Did both Ed and Ben think that that surprise-visiting Tayshia at 2:30 in the morning was a good idea? Are they all actually keeping vampire hours since it’s so damn hot during the day? 

Ed tells Chris that he “just wanted to get a quick chat with Tayshia, if she’s around,” and … does Ed think Chris and Tayshia are roommates?

Chris invites Ed in for a drink anyway, and it’s awkward. Even closed-captioning knows it’s awkward, because the caption literally says “awkward music.”

Back to Ben, who has found considerably more success on mission Zero Dark Tayshia, arriving at her actual room and knocking on her door. Tayshia agrees that he’s the last person she expected to see, but she invites him in and they sit on the couch. Ben launches straight into his apology, saying he’s sorry for disappointing her on the group date. Tayshia doesn’t go easy on him, pointing out that there were other guys there who jumped at the chance to spend time with her. Ben tells her he wasn’t apathetic, and that he will be the first one to grab her hand tomorrow. Tayshia forgives him, but tells Ben she needs him to show up. Ben swears he won’t let another date go by without kissing her, and says that waiting two days is far too long, and it’s all very romantic but then there’s another knock at the door. Due to editing, we’re meant to believe it’s Ed, but it’s really just room service, some champagne and strawberries that Ben had ordered to the room. Ben and Tayshia toast, drink, and kiss. 

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Ahead of the cocktail party, Noah is complaining that the only time he got with Tayshia was the group date that he crashed. He says that the guys are “acting like weenies because of it” and between his childish language and casual shit-stirring toxicity, I’ve decided that Noah can’t get off my TV soon enough. 

It’s worth noting that Noah is talking to Joe, who is sitting, shirtless, with his hair pulled back, drinking a bottle of water and ironically making all of Bachelor/ette Nation very, very thirsty. 

As the party begins, the guys are generally talking about how important it is to get time with Tayshia at the cocktail party, and how Noah’s not there for the right reasons. Hm. I wonder if all of this will collide in an extremely dramatic and not-entirely-honest move by Noah?

Tayshia starts the party by thanking the guys and toasting, and as promised, Ben steps up first to get some time with her. He tells Tayshia that the previous night felt like the start of a real relationship, and the look she has on her face … I just think she really likes him, and I worry a little bit because I don’t see that same glow when she’s with Ivan. 

Riley, the lawyer, shows Tayshia a “Relationship Contract” that makes them officially boyfriend-and-girlfriend, which they seal with a kiss. I’m not sure that Tayshia has romantic feelings for Riley, but I think she appreciates him. 

Brendan and Tayshia, finally! She says she hasn’t seen him all week, and he says he needs some time with her, and they kiss. I really like them together. I think they have a genuine connection.

And then … Noah. The worst. He tells Tayshia that a lot of the guys in the house are questioning her decision to give him the rose on the group date that he crashed. He tells her that “it’s been implied that you gave me the rose just to kind of shake things up,” and that she just did it for show. 

Tayshia is shocked. So am I, because if this had happened, I’m confident that we, the audience, would have seen it, so I’m pretty sure Noah is just making things up at this point. Tayshia asks Noah to name names, and Noah hems and haws, and suggests she ask the guys, implying that the guys who “don’t do great with confrontation” are the culprits. 

Back with the guys, Noah tells them that his conversation with Tayshia got more serious than he anticipated. Bennett asks if that’s in a good way or a bad way, and Noah, barely suppressing an Evil Reality TV Villain smile, says: “I’m not sure.”

Then Tayshia comes in, and orders the guys to gather together in a room. She tells them she’s not happy, because it’s been brought to her attention that her integrity is being questioned, that some of them have been saying her decision making might not be intentional, and that there are rumors that she’s just giving out roses to start drama in the house. “If you think I’m trying to stir up drama … you need to grow up. I’m a grown woman, and I can make decisions based off what I want to do, and if you’re going to be questioning me, I’ll gladly walk you outside.”

YES, Tayshia. Yes. I mean, the anger is a little misplaced because it’s based on a lie, but I’m glad she reminded all the guys that she’s extremely capable of making choices and decisions based on what she wants. 

Tayshia cancels the rest of the cocktail party and tells the guys she’ll see them at the Rose Ceremony, and walks out. 

The guys look confused, and rightfully so. They really don’t have any idea what she’s talking about. The ensuing confrontation with Noah doesn’t clarify anything – probably because Noah literally made the whole thing up. Bennett tells Noah he feels like he’s arguing with a teenager, and that he owes the other guys an apology. 

Ed threatens to fight Noah, which, of course that’s what Ed threatens to do. It’s his only move.

Zac says the Rose Ceremony is going to be a “massacre,” and I think he’s exaggerating, but it’s 2020, and I suppose if we can have Murder Hornets we can also have Massacre Rose Ceremonies. 

Bennett drops some memorable bon mots, such as “I’m here for love, not for breastfeeding Noah,” and “I’m not on The Babysitter, I’m on The Bachelorette.”

Kenny wonders if maybe Noah isn’t smarter than they all thought. 

Tayshia, before starting the Rose Ceremony, tells Chris Harrison that her biggest fear is what she’s being accused of.

Rose Ceremony

Tayshia hands out roses, and while she does not take back Noah’s rose and give it to someone else, as I had desperately hoped she would, she does give roses to Ben, Eazy, Riley, Brendan, Bennett, Blake, Demar, Spencer, and … Ed. 

Ugh. 

Tag scene: Revisiting Ed and Chris and their late-night accidental wine rendezvous. Ed fanboys out to Chris for a minute, about having grown up watching him on TV, which I’m sure isn’t weird at all for Chris to hear, and then tells Chris that in the future, he should knock before coming in to the guys’ communal room to announce the group date. Chris says he’ll take the note. 

Saddest goodbye: Joe, obviously. There was never enough Joe. Joe for Bachelor! 

Best goodbye: Chasen. Byeeeeeeee. 

Most aggressively neutral goodbye: Kenny. I don’t think he and Tayshia were a match, but I thought he added some fun to the show.